The Life We Make
by Rosehaven13
Summary: Alistair, recognized as the spare to the throne, has been promised in marriage to Elissa Cousland, though her ex-fiance thinks their plans shouldn't change, Elissa's heart isn't so sure. The story follows the general outline of the game. This has been rewritten and edited. I am sorry to have to repost it, but with the changes, it was necessary. Nathaniel/fCousland/Alistair issues
1. A Beginning

The sun was high in the noon sky as Elissa ran along the shore, Nathaniel chased behind her; their combined laughter filtered through the trees that surrounded the water.

Nathaniel caught Elissa in his arms her back against his chest, he spun her in a circle.

"Nathaniel, let me go." Elissa squealed as Nathaniel sat at the water's edge pulling her down into his lap.

Nathaniel pulled her auburn hair behind her ear and dropped a kiss to her collar bone.

"You," Nathaniel whispered up her neck between kisses. "Are," Another kiss with a little nip to her ear, "Beautiful."

Elissa giggled and wiggled to turn around in his arms. "And you are roguishly handsome." Elissa's dark blue eyes searched his grey ones and they turned up in a smile. "Kiss me Nate."

Nathaniel lowered his head, brushing his lips over hers softly, "As you wish." The kiss intensified as he lowered her slowly to the sand beneath them. Nate's tongue darted in her mouth, as the kiss became hungry and needy.

Nathaniel's hands were roaming up her hips, as his lips traced a blaze of fire down her neck to the swell of her breasts.

Elissa sucked in her breath, as Nathaniel's hands pushed up her linen shirt and breast band; his hands rough from constant training with his bow circled her breasts. Elissa arched her back and released a small moan, Nathaniel chuckled and moved his head down and ran a tongue around her nipple causing it to pebble before he sucked it into his mouth nibbling on it softly.

Elissa stifled a yell by biting the back of her hand.

Nathaniel lifted his head, "You like that my sweet?" Elissa writhed beneath him as his hands slid back down her stomach to the waist of her leather breaches his hand slipped under the waist band as his lips went back to hers. His tongue was hot against her lips, Elissa opened her mouth inviting him, as his tongue met with hers his fingers found her and he slid a finger against her wetness bringing it up against her center of nerves, she shivered under him and moaned into his mouth.

Elissa could feel Nate's hardness against her leg and she moved against it, as she felt his fingers leave her and he made to pull her breaches down and that snapped her back to reality.

"Nate, no we can't, I can't."

Nathaniel groaned deep in his chest and rolled off Elissa laying next to her on the beach his breaths coming in short rasps.

"Andraste's flaming ass Elissa, I can't do this; I'm just a man I don't have eternal control. You should be mine; I should have been able to marry you a year ago. But no the bastard son, of the dead King gets your hand. Blasted son of a bitch I hate politics. The fact that King Maric claimed him so he could have the heir and the spare just pisses me off to no end; You and I we're betrothed from the time we were babes. It was all broken for him, because you're the second best thing to a Royal Princess and he's a better match as he's of Theirin blood."

"We knew this would happen, don't be angry, I want us to part happy. You and Fergus are going to fight darkspawn, not afternoon tea with King Cailan." She sat up and held his hand.

Nathaniel sat up slowly and stared into the blue eyes in front of him.

"Was it not for the Blight and Fergus and I riding off to battle tonight, we would be headed to your wedding."

"I love you though, Nate remember that. But it does not change what must be." She searched his eyes pleading.

"My love, I know it does not, love does not matter in this the game of Nobles. King Cailan married Anora to please everyone, because her father is a damn war hero. Then he matched you with Alistair, to solidify his position because he's a bastard. A match with you, would make him more secure as the spare to the throne. It has nothing to do with love." Nate's eyes were sad as he mumbled the last word.

Elissa scooted closer to him "I do love you, I should have let you go, and you should be married by now Nate, not holding on to something that can never be."

"Love, I shall be married at some point, that doesn't change my plans for us though, you'll give the King what he wants by marrying his brother, and you shall give the prince what he wants by providing him a son. But I shall have your love. You'll see, when he has his heir, you'll be able to be in my arms again, if we're careful."

"I don't know Nate; Alistair and I are friends, we've decided to yield to our fate, I'm sure he doesn't want to be married any more than I do, but I will be his wife."

Nate shook his head, staring into her eyes, "If all the King and he want is to secure his place, and for him to have an heir from you, don't you think he'll have a mistress, like Cailan does? Cailan, didn't even wait for the Heir."

Elissa shook her head, her face screwed up in thought.

Glancing up at the sky Nate sighed. "I have to go meet your brother." Nate leaned forward and brushed a kiss over her lips. "I wish I could dance with you one more time, kiss your lips as we fall asleep out on the hunt, your brother pretending he doesn't know. I'll miss you so much my darling, I'll see you when we get back. Go talk to your father I'm sure he needs to see you as you'll be watching the keep while we're all gone, then come find me at the stable so I can say good-bye properly." His lips brushed over hers again and then he was gone.

Elissa huffed as she fixed her clothing, smoothed her long auburn hair and tied it back with a string of leather, and made her way back to the castle.

The courtyard was in upheaval as Elissa walked into the castle, her lifelong friend Ser Gilmore waved and made is way to her. Elissa's Mabari Maximus bouncing behind him, "Hello Ser Gilmore, have you seen my father?" Elissa dropped her hand to Maximus's head and gave it a scratch.

"Yes, he's in the great hall with the Grey Warden and Arl Howe. I found Max here in the Larder by the way. I was looking for you to help me get him, yet I couldn't find you, so I risked life and limb to get him myself and settle Nan down, you owe me." He crossed his arms and gave her a good natured grin.

"Grey Warden, what's he doing here?" she quirked an eyebrow at him.

"He's here to test the knights; word is he's looking for more Grey Wardens."

Elissa grabbed his arm. "Do you think he's going to ask you, Oh Maker I wish I could go with you if he asked you. To be a Grey Warden, how fantastic is that?"

"That's not going to happen, you're betrothed to the Prince you know that. They would never let you join."

"Does everyone have to remind me, Maker it's like they think I could forget? I've got to go find my father, watch Max for me would you?" Elissa turned and stalked away but called back over her shoulder.

"Max would never have hurt you by the way, but thank you for what you did." Max whined and licked Ser Gilmore on the hand; Ser Gilmore chuckled and turned towards the barracks.

Elissa pushed open the door to the great hall and walked to where her father stood with Arl Howe and another man she assumed to be the Grey Warden, Ser Gilmore had mentioned.

"Ah, pup there you are, I've been waiting for you. I need you to go find Fergus and tell him that he and Nathaniel are to leave tonight without us. Arl Howe's men have been delayed and we must wait for them before heading south."

Elissa glanced from her father, to the man next to him, as she nodded. "Of course Father, I shall do as you ask as always."

Teyrn Bryce Cousland watched his daughter closely and motioned to the man next to him.

"Pup, this is Duncan the Grey Warden, he's here to test some of the Knights for promising recruits for the Grey Wardens."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Lady Cousland, if I might say Teyrn your daughter would make an excellent recruit as well."

Elissa opened her mouth to respond but her father stepped in front of her, cutting her off.

"I'm sorry Duncan that isn't possible, she is betrothed to Prince Alistair and I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate me sending his bride off to become a Grey Warden and fight the Darkspawn, when he and his brother are already south preparing to face the horde; unless you're asking to use the right of conscription?"

Duncan shook his head. "No Teyrn I wouldn't ask that of you."

Bryce turned to his Daughter, "Off you go now Pup, go find your brother and Nathaniel and tell them to carry on without us. There's my darling girl off you go."

Elissa left the great hall and headed towards the family quarters looking for her brother.

She found him standing in his room, with his wife Oriana and his son Oren.

"Ho' there Sister, I was just thinking about you." He bent forward and whispered into her ear, "Nate is looking for you; you should find him before we go."

"I will Fergus but first father wanted me to tell you that Arl Howe's men have been delayed, you and Nate are to continue south without them now."

"They really have been delayed. Great a trip to the cold south with Nate alone, I pray to the maker it's a swift trip. I'm really not looking forward to the cold and mud. May we be back before you know we're gone; now go find Nate and tell him the news. I'll tell father you headed off to bed early. Good-bye sister, I'll see you soon." Embracing quickly, Elissa left her brother to find Nate at the stables.

Nathaniel was standing with his back to the door when Elissa walked into the stables, he was brushing his charger, and she stopped leaning against the wall near him, just to watch this moment. She wanted to remember this, what he looked like; his black hair pulled back, lean muscle rippling on his arm as he brushed in fluid even strokes.

"Like what you see darling?" He turned to her, a smile lighting his eyes.

"You know I do, you're amazing."

Nate's long stride brought him to her in four steps and he scooped her up in his arms kissing her soundly. "I'll miss you my sweet. You have no idea how much." He dropped another kiss to her lips and held her close to him.

"Nate, I came to tell you something, your father's men have been delayed and you and Fergus are to go on south as planned. They will meet you when the rest of the men arrive."

"Oh, of course my father gets to stay in a warm bed another night while Fergus and I get to freeze in the rain and mud. I'd much rather be with you wrapped up before your fire." He kissed her ear and his fingertips tickled her neck as he brushed her hair back.

"I don't want to think, that this may be the last time I get to hold you like this before, well, before you're married."

"Please don't say that Nate. Kiss me and leave knowing I love you and I'll see you again. Before I get weepy or perhaps that temper I'm famous for kicks in."

Nate chuckled and traced the tip of his tongue over her bottom lip, she opened to him and he claimed her mouth as his own.


	2. Simply Complicated

The moon was high above them as Nathaniel pulled his charger next to Fergus. The silence seemed to stretch on, just as the road before them.

Fergus chanced a glance at his friend and shook his head. "You look as though you've lost your best friend, that can't be possible though, because I'm right here. You could try talking you know; I understand it's neither your strongest nor most passionate past time, but I am here."

Nathaniel turned his head slightly towards Fergus's voice; he could just barely make out the shape of his face and the light that caught his eyes as he regarded him.

"Yes well I'm not sure anything I have to say would make much of a difference in the situation we seem to find ourselves in. Leaving to fight what could very well be a Blight. Not really the way I'd like to be spending my time; though the other option isn't to my liking either, so you see I might as well keep quiet."

"Come now Nate, killing a few hundred Darkspawn should be great fun. What's the point of all that training if we don't get to use it? What's this other option that isn't to your liking though? Your father has something in mind for you?" Fergus quirked a brow at him but it was lost to the darkness.

"Well the way I see it, the longer we're down here that means the King and Prince are there as well, which means we won't have to go to Denerim." Nathaniel let it sit at that and the silence settled back around them, before Fergus finally gave in and laughed low in his throat.

"What is so bloody funny Fergus?" His voice was low with warning.

"You are that's what, I know you're in love with my sister. I've known since you two were twelve and I caught you in the stable, fumbling your way through your first kiss." Fergus laughed and continued.

"I know you two were betrothed, but when Maric up and made his bastard legitimate and then died or disappeared, whatever. It was up to King Cailan to make sure his brother and right now his heir has a good match just in case. You know that what the King wants, the King gets. Besides your father will have something set up for you soon and you'll be married."

"You're not helping Fergus. I don't want to be married off, I want, well sod it, it doesn't matter what I want just leave it." Nathaniel gave Fergus a dismissive nod but it didn't stop him from continuing.

"Nathaniel, you're my best friend. Have been since we were children; joking aside which as you know is not an easy task for me. You're going to have to let her go, at least until she is married and had a child with Prince what's-his-face. Then, who knows, things like what you two have happen all the time, people look the other way in political marriages. But it would help if you were married as well; it doesn't look good if you're not married. Makes people think you're going to try and get her to run off with you. Not a good thing for the new princess."

"I am very aware of that fact, Fergus. It had been my plan, but I'm not so sure Elissa see's it our way, that the prince will take a mistress when he is done with her and that if she is careful she can too. She's honest and proud, I love that about her, but she's also his friend and doesn't wish to hurt him. What if she falls in love with him, Maker the thought of losing her to him in all ways kills me."

"Have you met Alistair? I know you haven't outside of an official greeting at the palace, but just wait, I've known him since he was brought to the palace as a child. Then the last time when he and Elissa were formally engaged; he's funny enough. I'm not sure how he's going to handle Elissa's temper. I bet he's not used to people, especially women yelling at him. You know how she is and can handle her temper. I think it's going to be quite interesting." Fergus chuckled

"Elissa is fiery; it's one of the things I love about her. Besides it's really helped me with my reflexes, you know, dodging her." Pausing Nathaniel's tone became serious. "What's he like? Alistair I mean."

"Well, as I said he's funny likes to joke a lot. But he's a Prince I'm not sure how much of his humor is laughed at just to keep face. He looks just like Cailan and Maric. I tell you that's why Maric claimed him. Besides the fact that he was worried about only having one son; someone would have put that one together sooner or later as he got older I tell you. He seems like a kind sort though. If you're asking how he'll treat Elissa that is, he'll be kind to her, as I said it's him I'm worried about."

"Well I guess I'll find out soon enough." Nathaniel spurred his charger along and Fergus caught up to him.

"Just don't reveal yourself when the Prince talks about Elissa as his bride. I need your bow at my back during this, not you sitting in jail for punching the crowned prince in the nose for talking about sleeping with your girlfriend." Fergus snorted and pulled his charger to the side as Nathaniel took a swing at him.

"You're impossible Fergus. Maybe the darkspawn will do me a favor and tear off my ears, before I have to listen to him talk about her like that. Come let's stop and let the men have a rest, your prattle is making me weary."

Ostagar was a hive of activity when Nathaniel, Fergus and their company of men set up camp and got some rest, though it was short lived as a call into camp heralded the summons of the King.

"Ho' there in camp," Came the yell of the personal guard of the King

Fergus pushed aside the flap of his tent and called back. "Ho' there, well met Ser. What can I do for you?"

"Yer Lordship, the King is requesting your presence and that of Arl Howe's son." The guard nodded and held out his arm motioning towards the Royal encampment.

"Of course Ser. Nathaniel we're being summoned I hope you're decent," Fergus yelled.

"Maker I hate you Fergus," called Nathaniel's sleep laden voice, "I'm coming, and of course I'm decent."

The walk was quick to the Royal enclosure and King Cailan and Prince Alistair were outside, a map rolled out before them. Loghain the general of the Kings Armies and advisor to the King was off to the side. The annoyance on his face was as clear as day, as Fergus and Nathaniel approached the tent.

"You must send a scouting party first your Majesty it needs to be men well trained in tracking I suggest," Loghain was interrupted when Fergus and Nathaniel halted on the other side of the table that held the map.

"Ah, Fergus it is good to see you." Fergus bowed and was quickly pulled up by Cailan who was bright and golden in his armor, grasping his forearm in a greeting.

Nathaniel bowed as well, letting his eyes dart up at the other man in a set of matching silver plate behind the King. The resemblance was striking, Fergus was right someone would have caught that sooner or later. His hair was shorter but if he let it grow it would be hard to tell them apart.

"Fergus, you know Alistair." Fergus bowed his head, "of course, it's good to see you again your Highness." Alistair chuckled and grasped his forearm in a greeting as well.

"Fergus, no need to stand on ceremony; I am after all going to be your brother-in-law soon. I expect you won't be doing that to me at every family meal, it would be quite awkward to feel like I have to watch my table manners, and don't look at me like that, Cailan I'm not a slob all the time." He rolled his eyes paused and smiled at Nathaniel next to Fergus.

Nathaniel bowed. "Ah, Howe it's good to meet you outside of the palace. I've heard so much about you, no don't look startled. Elissa talks often of your skill with the bow and how talented of a tracker and hunter you are when we speak."

The look Alistair gave Nathaniel then and the tightness of his grip spoke volumes more, than the smile plastered on his face.

Nathaniel released the prince's hand and stepped back to Fergus's side. Andraste's great heaving bosom he knew, the damned prince knew and he didn't seem to just be letting it go. Then again everyone knew they were once betrothed. Perhaps that was it, he was just watching for his reaction too closely.

"How is my Elissa, Fergus?" He put the emphasis on my and at that moment Nathaniel knew it was a reminder to him directly.

"She's much better than last you saw her. She had received quiet the thrashing on the sparring field that day and I think she had a slight concussion. She is much recovered; and I'm sure looks forward to this battle being over so she may join you in Denarim for your much awaited marriage." Fergus paused and Alistair grinned.

"I am looking forward to this all being over so we can settle down. I think the married life will suit me; having a wife, one that will travel and fight and spar with me, sounds much better than having one that just sits around and sews and does needlepoint."

Cailan laughed at that and slapped his brother on the back. "I'm not sure you know Elissa Cousland all that well. But you'll learn there are much more appealing things to do with her than hunt and spar."

Nathaniel was shocked to see Prince Alistair blush at the mention of the more pleasurable side of marriage; it wasn't possible that the crowned prince was a virgin was it? Even he himself had partaken in that, when he had been sent away to squire. Though it was something he thought every young man did, he hadn't told Elissa, and Fergus had wisely told him to keep it to himself.

Cailan continued, breaking his line of thought.

"Alistair, as beautiful and interesting topic, as your soon to be wife is, it is not the reason I called Fergus and Nathaniel here."

Alistair nodded "Of course Cailan please excuse my babbling."

"Yes, well Fergus your king has need of you and your friend's talents. I need you to lead your men and scout into the wilds for me. I need to know if any of the darkspawn have broken off from the main horde and where they are headed. I don't want to take the chance of being outflanked."

He nodded towards Loghain who had stood silent at their side. "Loghain agrees with me on this point and thinks the two of you would be best to lead. I need you to leave as soon as you are able. Gather your men have a hot meal and head out. We'll wait for your fathers to join the main army."

With that King Cailan nodded his dismissal to Fergus and Nathaniel and as they made their way back to camp to ready the men Alistair stared at their retreating forms.

Without looking up Cailan laughed, "Alistair stop it he's nothing, they were betrothed as children and it's nothing to concern you as I said. You're to be her husband it's done."

As Nathaniel and Fergus's forms disappeared into their camp, Alistair turned back to the map and Cailan.

"Yes well the way she talks about him you wouldn't know that. I think it was more than just them being betrothed as children; I think she cares for him. I have wanted her since I clapped eyes on her but I want her to return that, and not just because I'm a prince."

Cailan rolled his eyes exasperated and lifted his head. "Maker Alistair you're not even married yet. Would you leave it for now, we need to deal with this blight or did you forget?"

"Oh stop looking at me like that you're happily married to a beautiful girl, who thinks the sun rises and sets on you so bugger off." Alistair leaned back over the map

"Oh, is that what she does? I thought she just scolded me and pouted when I don't come to bed on time. You'll learn. Makers Ass I hope Duncan is back soon with his new recruits, this waiting is putting me on edge. "Cailan motioned for Loghain and they returned to planning the battle to come.

Back at the Cousland camp, Fergus and Nathaniel readied the men and set out for the wilds.

Nathaniel, try as he might, just couldn't get the look that Alistair had given him out of his mind. Prince Alistair had feelings for Elissa that much was clear, and to made things much more complicated, if the prince actually wanted her, he wouldn't just look the other way with him, worse, if Elissa was to find out, she would never come back to him. In fact, he could see her falling for him.

Maker damn it, he would not lose her to _him._

"This is going to get complicated," he mumbled to no one in particular.

Fergus turned to say something, but thought better of it and they continued in silence.


	3. Plots Of Nobles And Kings

Blinding white light is what awoke Elissa when she was struck by a sharp slap to the jaw. "Where in the bloody blue," another smack ended her train of thought and the taste of blood filled her mouth.

Her eyes snapped open and she realized she was not in her room but instead she was in the practice yard, in nothing but her small clothes; she was chained and had been leaned against the wall.

Try as she might she couldn't remember a thing after supper. She tried to shake the cobwebs from her mind but they stayed a foggy haze. Like trying to remember a dream after you've woken up. The harder you try the fainter they become like water through your fingers.

Elissa blinked to clear her eyes, before her were two of Arl Howe's men.

"I have no idea what you think you're doing, but when my father and the Arl hear of this," The man closest to her, a bear looking older man laughed and slapped her again.

"You think so? You'd be wrong little girl, your father won't be doing much of anything anymore."

Elissa's head lolled to the side and she snapped back, "listen here nug humper, you lay one more hand on me and I'll gut you myself. Where are my father and Arl Howe and why in the makers name am I in chains in my bloody small clothes?"

The second man, smaller and younger, with brown hair and muddy eyes caught the older man's hand as he cocked back to hit her again.

"The Arl said she was not to be harmed, she was to be kept until the others were dealt with."

Elissa looked from the one to the other, "someone had better tell me what is going on, or Maker help me."

The older man shook the grip from the other and let his hand fly. "She'll be intact enough. It's a pity he's saving her; she looks like she'd make for a good roll, you could have fun with a body like that."

As his hand hit her jaw, her lip and the inside of her mouth broke open. She knew from enough spars that her jaw, eye and lips were all going to be bruised and bleeding.

The two men began to argue and Elissa stayed quiet, she couldn't hear what they were saying but she took the opportunity to test her wrists, which were red, raw and sore, but functional. Her legs seemed to be fine if not a bit scratched from what looked like being dragged.

Elissa took stock of what was around her in the practice yard; knowing if she could get to one of the weapons lockers she might have a shot. She was going to have to be quick, one movement up to the locker and pray to the Maker she could handle a sword in shackles.

Okay, now or never she thought. Jumping to her feet she began to run as fast as she could to her left. Just a few more feet, but just as she thought she might be able to reach it in time, powerful arms circled her from behind and threw her to the ground.

"Listen bitch, I thought I had made myself clear."

The last thing she felt was a blinding pain in her head, and the last thing she saw was the flash of silver and grey.

~~~ooOOoo~~~

"My Lady, I need you to open your eyes."

Elissa's head felt like it was going to crack open, "Mmphh no, please just leave me be."

A hand on her shoulder sitting her up, a cup to her cracked and blood caked lips; "Drink my Lady, small sips. There we are."

Elissa sipped once, twice, sputtered on the third and the cup was removed. Opening her eyes felt like opening lead weights. One eye was swollen and weeping so that was useless. She blinked her good eye and the light damn near blinded her. "Maker damnit all," she focused on the man before her. "Duncan? What are you doing here?"

"Shh, just a moment let me get you some broth from the stew. You need to eat something and drink a bit more. There is much to say." Duncan left her sitting against the downed tree and walked towards the small fire.

Taking a look around her she found they were in a small camp in Maker knows where, the sun was setting and the forest they were in was thick with trees and foliage, she had been wrapped in a cloak. Closing her eyes she almost slipped blissfully back into unconsciousness when Duncan was once again seated next to her.

"Here my Lady, please eat a bit."

Elissa slowly sipped from the bowl but after the second swallow her stomach clenched and she set the bowl away. Reaching for the flask that Duncan held for her; swallowing deeply she felt the burn of brandy slide down her throat. After the fifth drink her stomach was feeling warm and she eyed Duncan.

Duncan sighed and took a swig of the brandy for himself.

"My Lady, how much do you remember?"

"Besides whatever that was in the yard, nothing," trailing off she took note of how tired Duncan looked, his armor spattered in blood and soot.

Duncan cleared his throat took another drink and handed the flask back to Elissa.

"Your home was attacked my Lady, from within. Arl Howe turned against your father, he had your entire castle murdered besides you, I'm not sure but I believe he was going to use you against the King and Prince. To what end I don't know."

"What? You must be joking? That isn't possible; Arl Howe is my father's most trusted and loyal friend he would never." She took a long drink from the flask and sputtered

"It's not possible Duncan."

"I am sorry, but it is what happened. Your mother and father were killed in the raid. No one was left by the time I reached you. I killed the men that had you and carried you here, we are quite a distance away we should be safe for a bit, but we must keep moving towards Ostagar."

Licking her bottom lip, Elissa could taste the blood and sweat.

"My mother and father, oh maker Oriana and Oren; I was supposed to take care of them. How could I fail them so miserably, I should have been with them, protected them."

"It seems that you were all poisoned at supper the night of the attack. They captured you, killed the others before they were awake. There was nothing you or Fergus could have done if you would have been there." Duncan watched her closely she was looking even more pale than she had on the trip here.

"Shit, Fergus! He's with, no, no Nathaniel would never he couldn't have known what his father was doing. He would never condone such an action." Her head exploded at the thought and her stomach lurched as she turned to her knees and was sick over the edge of the downed tree. Slumping back she shook her head. He couldn't, but there was a nagging part of her that wondered, what if?

"I do not know if he had a part in this My Lady. I only know that we must keep moving. We must reach Ostagar and inform the King and Prince of what has happened. You must rest we will leave soon after dark."

Duncan made to move but Elissa caught his arm stilling him. "Stay here Duncan, talk with me, we shall rest but I don't think I can sleep."

"Yes my Lady."

Elissa leaned into him now the tears stinging the cuts on her face and lip, "please don't call me My Lady, Duncan, not here not now."

"Yes my, yes Elissa." He smiled softly and moved her blood matted hair away from her face.

"That reminds me of the first time I met you Elissa. You were six or so, I'm from Highever you know, and I knew from the way you looked at me the other day that you didn't remember me. I was visiting your father to look over his knights and you would sit on my lap by the fire and make me tell you Grey Warden stories. You swore to me in your six year old way, that you would be a Grey Warden and have a griffon. There was no convincing you otherwise. I remember I told you that there weren't griffons anymore and you just about ripped my beard off. Your mother was quite cross with you. You always were quite spirited."

Elissa nodded into his chest the tears coming harder her voice was failing her but her she managed a sniffled "I'm sorry I didn't remember you." The silence settled around them and Elissa slipped in and out of a fitful sleep.

~~~ooOoo~~~

Duncan had taken the liberty of picking up armor, a sword and shield for her; the rest of the walk to Ostagar was miserable. They talked little and stopped to rest even less. The sword and shield were a comforting weight on her back but her head still felt as if it was about to split. Her eye was puffy her face bruised and her cuts stung. But out weighing all of that was her anger. Every step was punctuated by a deep burning hatred.

As she and Duncan made their way down the hill towards the ruins of Ostagar, Elissa was staring at her feet and the road beneath them when she heard a very familiar voice; she stopped dead in her tracks and fell behind Duncan. She had no idea what she would say or how she would say it, especially looking like this.

"Ho' there Duncan, we've been waiting for you." King Cailan approached with a contingent of his men.

"Your Majesty, I am sorry it took me so long. I wasn't expecting to see you so soon though."

"Well, I'm here now; you my friend deserve a Royal welcome. I see you have the new recruit you were looking for yes?"

Duncan paused before stepping aside. "That's not entirely what," but he was cut off when Cailan gasped.

"Elissa? What in the Makers name are you doing here? Andraste's blood you look awful."

"And yet, I feel so much worse, but thank you for pointing it out Cailan." She bit her lip at her own tone, but didn't apologize.

Looking from Elissa to Duncan Cailan folded his arms over his chest. "What is going on here?"

Elissa opened her mouth and closed it a few times, trying to find the words.

Duncan saved her yet again by stepping forward. "Your Majesty, Arl Howe has shown himself to be a traitor, he has sacked Cousland castle and murdered everyone within. He had captured Lady Cousland and had I not gotten there in time, I'm sure he planned to use her against your Majesty and the Prince."

"Howe? He couldn't think he would get away with that; what was his plan? To kill off the family and marry her off to Nathaniel so I couldn't touch his family inheriting the Teyrn? He's mad, that would have never worked while I live. Besides Fergus is alive," Cailan stopped.

"Nathaniel Howe is with Fergus, is that why he was sent on with him?"

"No, Nathaniel would never hurt my family, Fergus is his best friend." Elissa's anger at the suggestion was palatable but she wasn't just mad at the fact that Cailan had mentioned it, but because she was also considering it.

Elissa felt her world spin her legs felt numb, no she would not faint. She was better than that, but her body, her head and the exertion from the trip didn't listen to her and she would have hit the ground if it wasn't for Cailan stepping forward and catching her in his arms.

"Come Duncan we'll take her, let her rest and get her cleaned up, we can figure out what to do after that."

As Cailan carried Elissa into the tent, Alistair was stepping through the divider from the back.

"Well who's that then? Another fan that couldn't take your golden presence," he chuckled but paused confused as Cailan laid her on his bed.

"What are you doing Cailan, don't put her on my bed. What are you playing at? Alistair walked over to his bed and glanced over Cailan's shoulder.

"Maker, Elissa? Shit, what happened to her; why is she here?" Alistair moved a lock of hair away from her bloody and swollen face.

"Get my healer in here now." Alistair called behind him, to his steward.

"Cailan how about you tell me why my betrothed is on my bed looking like, well like this."

As they waited for the healer, Cailan regaled Alistair with the story Duncan had given him.

"Bullshit, with Nathaniel Howe just here too, do you think he was sent with Fergus to kill him? Maker I hope not. Elissa has lost everything, to think that she could lose Fergus too."

"We need to work right now on the assumption that Nathaniel has killed Fergus. That makes Elissa the Teyrna of Highever. I need her and that land secure Alistair." Cailan regarded his brother.

"I'm moving up your wedding Alistair, I need you wedded and bedded before this battle. If the worse is to happen I need to know that things are taken care of."

"What, marry here, now? But, is that even possible?"

"I don't have time or the ability to argue with you Alistair, I have a plan. It's glorious and you're just going to have to trust me."


	4. Mistakes and Misunderstandings

Alistair was tired, he had sent the healer and chantry sister on their way after they had healed and cleaned up Elissa. She laid now in his bed her hair draped out and drying. Her superficial wounds had been healed well, the crack to her head was worse but nothing life threatening. She slept now and hopefully she wouldn't have much of a headache when she awoke.

He reached forward and brushed her hair to the side, letting his finger drift softly across her cheek. She mumbled in a sleepy haze and shifted her head towards his hand; responding to his touch.

Alistair couldn't help but smile and he cupped her cheek in his hand, she nuzzled it and kissed his palm. She mumbled again this time it was more coherent and it sounded like 'kiss me.' Alistair couldn't have been more surprised if Cailan had walked into the tent, wearing a dress and asked to dance.

Elissa kissed his palm and yet again mumbled 'Kiss me', Alistair leaned forward and brushed his lips over her cheek and her head turned from his palm to his lips. He paused surprised as she kissed him gently then more demanding, her arms going around his neck and pulling him more firmly against her.

Maker he could feel her breasts rising and falling against his chest, as she deepened the kiss, her tongue gently rubbing against his bottom lip. He opened his mouth and her tongue mingled with his. Elissa moaned softly and Alistair's heart froze. "Nathaniel that feels wonderful."

Alistair pushed back abruptly, rocking the bed and his chair in his haste "Damn it Elissa."

Elissa's eyes flew open and she stared not into the grey eyes that had been in her mind, but rather the golden brown eyes that belonged to her betrothed; Prince Alistair. Oh Maker she had kissed him, not the chaste little kisses he had given her since they were betrothed at fourteen. But the kisses she had given Nathaniel, and to make it worse, she was pretty sure she had just called the bloody crowned Prince by her childhood sweetheart's name. Damn it she had always tried to be so careful.

Clearing her throat, Elissa sat up quickly, she kept her eyes on the bedspread around her; she could feel Alistair's eyes on her. Saying nothing she chewed on her bottom lip waiting.

"Well that was enlightening." Alistair covered his face with his palm, stood and began pacing by the side of the bed.

Elissa let out a long sigh she was angry at everything but more than that she was scared, she had always known that this marriage was just because Cailan needed Alistair secure and now she had just made it worse; Alistair stopped, looking down at her.

She looked very small to him just then, her shoulders were slumped forward and her head was bowed. Nothing like the warrior princess he was used to.

Letting go of the sudden jealousy and anger he had felt, he sat on the edge of the bed and touched her shoulder. "Elissa, for what it's worth. I'm so sorry about your family. They were all wonderful people."

Elissa lifted her eyes to his and the caring she found there after what had just happened broke her and she let out a sob, burying her face in his chest. The tears came fast and hard; Alistair wrapped his arms around her and let her cry. The sounds of hiccups and shuddering breaths hurt Alistair more than the kiss, that wasn't intended for him. He rubbed her back slowly until the breaths and crying slowed.

Leaning back in his arms Elissa's eyes met his; he held her gaze for a moment before she leaned forward; at that moment it took everything Alistair had in him to turn and rise from the bed, he wanted her but he knew she was just trying to appease him over what had happened. He left her blinking and shocked.

"Well, I think I should let you get dressed, I took the liberty of having new armor brought for you. Cailan has asked to see us when he returns from speaking with Duncan. Apparently he has a plan of sorts."

Elissa snorted and swung her legs out of bed, wiggling her toes.

"Ah, one of Cailan's plans hmm? I have a very distinct memory of one of Cailan's 'plans' do you remember? We were what sixteen Alistair? We got lost in the woods; if I remember that was because of Cailan's innate sense of direction. He had me climb that damn tree and see where we were at. The limb at the top broke, I think I'm lucky I hit near every branch on the way down. Rather broke my fall I think, I broke my leg and I had to ride back to the Palace on the front of your mount. I thought I was going to die from embarrassment that day, not my finest moment."

"I have a bit different memory of that day." He paused thinking back to the feeling of having her in his arms on that ride back to the palace her warmth and how he had almost embarrassed himself by having her too close; he decided against mentioning that and instead grinned. "Your father demanded to know what I had done to you. Maker forbid it could have been Cailan's fault."

Elissa's eyes shadowed at the mention of her father and Alistair wanted to kick himself. "I'm sorry Elissa, I didn't," she cut him of shaking her head

"Its fine Alistair, just, I am going to miss them all so much." She stood then and motioned for her armor. "If you would Alistair, help me buckle all this. I'm not used to doing it alone."

"Well umm, I could fetch one of the women to help."

"Alistair I am quite dressed underneath. Besides we're going to be married someday. I expect you to help me with things like armor." _Maker he can't even stand to be near you, how are you ever going to be married? _She held back another sob that threatened to choke her. _Don't make this even worse._

Turning back to her he took a sweep of her form under her linen shirt and leather breaches. Maker the things she did to him; had always done to him. _Okay_ he thought _I can do this._ _Calm breaths, you're only helping her get her armor on idiot, nothing more. You've done that hundreds of times for Cailan. Then again, Cailan is your brother and he does NOT have curves like that._

His hands were very unsteady as he fixed the leather buckles behind her legs.

_Do not look at her bum do not,_ too late, he glanced up and his hands itched to run them up her legs and caress her lower back.

_Okay time to back away. She's dressed, get up and go sit in a chair, do not wrap your arms around her. _

His body betrayed his mind as he stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle, pulling her against him. He felt her go stiff, as his lips landed above her ear in an awkward kiss.

"Alistair I," she was cut off when Cailan flipped the tent flap aside and strode in.

"Well, well, well. What is going on in here? Did I interrupt something?" He pretended to pick at his nail and then slowly lifted his gaze to the embracing couple in front of him.

Alistair quickly took a step to the side and shook his head. "Nooo, I was just helping Elissa with her, er the new armor that, sod it." Alistairs head dropped to his hand.

"Damn Alistair, you're supposed to take it off before you grab her like that; not put it on. I'm not sure what you've learned from me over the years."

Alistair glared at his brother. "Since you're here now, I assume you've spoken to Duncan about your 'glorious plan'? By the way we were discussing one of your other great plans involving a tree and a broken leg and it seems that didn't work out so well. I hope this is better."

Cailan looked shocked. "Surely you jest, that plan worked just as it was intended to. Someday you'll learn I'm always right. But yes to answer your question I have spoken to Duncan and it is decided."

"What is decided Cailan?" Elissa took a step forward her eyebrow raised in question. "I know that tone, you use it when you're decidedly pleased with yourself."

"When isn't he pleased with himself?" Alistair snorted.

"Okay both of you, I am still your King and I won't have you talking to me like that." Cailan chuckled and smiled in good humor, motioning for them to sit. Both Alistair and Elissa sat on the edge of the bed in unison waiting.

"With recent events I have decided to move up your wedding. Elissa until it is determined if Fergus is alive or not, you are Teryna of Highever. I would like to have you and Alistair married as soon as possible, I have arranged everything with the Chantry sisters that are here and it is set for this evening."

Elissa's jaw dropped and she interrupted Cailan "Tonight? You must be joking Cailan. I can't get married in the middle of a camp, before the battle, it's just not done."

Cailan let her finish, then raised his hand.

"I said Elissa I have made the arrangements. It is what I wish and as King I command it. It will be done. There is another matter I wish to discuss but it will have to wait until after the wedding. Come on you two this is your wedding night smile like you're excited or something. Alistair come with me we'll get you cleaned up, no I won't touch your hair, don't look like at me like that. Elissa some of the sisters are waiting for you, they have a gown. It's not what you would have had at the palace but I think it will do."

Both Elissa and Alistair sat stock still, until Cailan clapped his gauntleted hands. "That was not a suggestion that was a command now shoo, I have to get your groom ready."

Stumbling to her feet Elissa was ushered to the opening of the tent and given over to a Chantry sister, by the name of Ahera. She was a kindly older sister and led the still shocked girl towards the Chantry tents.

"You will be married there, by the fire. The Grey Wardens will be there, isn't it exciting? Marrying Prince Alistair! It's been years since you were announced as the next crowned princess. I remember being in Denerim for the announcement, you were so young but you and the prince looked perfect together. I never thought I would be the one helping you get ready, it really is an honor my Lady."

The world seemed fuzzy. Like watching it through a dirty window; the shock of the past few days was settling in on her mind and she felt numb.

_This is really happening. You're going to be married in a few hours. You don't even know if Nate and Fergus are alive. You don't know what Nate has done and yet here you are blaming him in your head. How could you? Damn it you knew this was going to happen. Of course you were going to marry Alistair; Nate always knew that, stop thinking about him. Shut up and get it over with. Cailan is making him do this as much as you; you saw how he acted. You ruined any chance of being able to be friends, by calling him Nate you twit. Any chance that he would never find out and that he might like you are right out the door. He has to put up with you, just like on all those trips to Denerim. Remember how he acted that day on the horse? Like he was trying to hold you as far away from him as possible? Then you go and practically pull him into bed in a sleep concussion haze, kiss him AND call him Nate. Wow, you've really gone and made a mess Elissa. _

She stood eyes unseeing as the chantry sisters undressed her and took her to a tub to wash properly. They scrubbed her arms and legs with lavender and rose. She dimly heard them apologize for the items having been brought by some of the women in the camp that follows the army.

She smiled slightly, at the thought of smelling like a prostitute on the night of her wedding. The irony from what she had done earlier in the day was not lost on her.

Helping her out of the tub Ahera brushed her hair avoiding the knot on her head she plated it softly down her back leaving two strands out to frame her face. The shift they found for her was plain but soft, the three dresses she was told were also brought from the ladies in the 'other' camp as they called it. She chose the soft blue one and let them tighten her into it. Her mother had picked a cream dress for her wedding day. It had been covered in small pearls and lace. The tears began to stream down her face again as the ladies held up the looking glass. They smiled thinking they were tears of happiness.

Drying her eyes Ahera dabbed her lips with bits of color and pinched her cheeks adding just a bit of the rouge. She glanced in the looking glass. Even her mother would approve, she smiled and let the sisters chatter around her as she sat with a million butterflies dancing in her stomach.


	5. Weddings And Other Problems

The shadows fell across the small clearing where Fergus stood "This is by far not as fun as you said it would be Fergus." Nathaniel emerged from the trees and Fergus jumped as he spoke.

"Yes, it's not quite what I thought it would be. It's odd though, don't you think? We've seen nothing more than small bands of darkspawn. I should think there would be more."

As he spoke one of their men, a scout sent out ahead came crashing back into the small clearing they had gathered.

"My Lord Fergus, the horde, I have found it! Its entire might, thousands of darkspawn are on the move. They look to be headed right for Ostagar! They are two days ahead of where we thought they would be!"

Nathaniel was already on his mount and motioned for Fergus. "Fergus, you and I can make time. Have the men follow us back. We must warn the King!"

The two men were away towards Ostagar before the man had caught his breath and whispered to their retreating shadows. "You'll never make it in time to give warning, you'll only serve as the herald of doom."

~~ooOoo~~

Cailan's laughter filled the tent as Alistair paced in his shining silver plate. He had one gauntlet off and was chewing on his fingernails.

"You know, you should relax. This is fantastic Alistair. It's what you wanted; think of it this way, we don't have to invite every stuffy Noble to the wedding now. We can just skip to the good stuff when we get back to Denerim like the drinking and pretty girls."

"Yes that's one thing, but things seem to have gotten a bit more complicated. I was hoping she and I would have time. You know she was supposed to come to Denerim a few weeks before the wedding. I would have had time, to figure this all out." Alistair stopped pacing long enough to throw his brother a pleading look then began pacing again.

"Oh, you mean because you've never? I know, I told you not to wait and now here I'm going to have to shoulder the shame of you bungling your way through this." Cailans laughter was grating on Alistair now.

"No, that's not it at all; I think you've told me enough I won't make a complete mess out of it. Besides you know I couldn't, it wouldn't have been her. I didn't want it to be that way. It's just that before, you know before you walked in on us. When she woke up she kissed me. Not those little silly pecks I would tell you about and blush over as you mocked me, but a real woman's kiss."

"Well that's great man!" Cailan was grinning ear to ear as Alistair stopped pacing in front of him.

"It's not great; she called me Nathaniel, Cailan. She kissed me, practically pulled me on top of her and then bloody well called me Nathaniel. I don't know what that means. If Nathaniel Howe has," Alistair trailed off and sunk to the chair opposite Cailan, his head resting in his hands.

Quirking a brow, Cailan shrugged an elegant shoulder and drank deeply from the goblet beside him.

"Alistair, they were together since they could walk. They were told they would marry from that time, honestly get over it. Of course they kissed, I honestly doubt she would have done anything with him before she was fourteen and then she was engaged to you and with you practically every other month. She knew she would be marrying you. I'm not sure why you're so upset."

"That's my point Cailan, she was with me after that but her feelings have stayed with Nathaniel."

"Your whining Alistair, suck it up man. Go out there marry the girl and win her heart. Don't sit in here sniveling to me that she's in love with bloody Nathaniel Howe." Cailan rose and pulled Alistair out of the chair and gave him a push towards the tent entrance. "Now get out there and win your wife."

~~~ooOOoo~~~

It seemed to Alistair the entirety of the army and camp had gathered for his wedding, as he stood before the alter the sisters had made.

"Kneel down Ser, take thy rightful place in humility before the Maker."

Alistair kneeled keeping his eyes in front of him and the sister spoke to the crowd as well as him.

"As you have bravely and solemnly come to this place today, know that by all here present and your own actions, you have signified unto our land that you are worthy and ready to care for the woman of your choosing from this day forward. To take thy Woman's hand is by all things true an act of life surpassed only by any subsequent calling to arms. Do you understand and accept the solemnization you are about to engage Ser?"

Nodding Alistair stated loudly: "Yes, I do."

The sister continued "Then I tap thee, and make you worthy before our King, The Divine and The Maker. And this community celebrates with you now as you prepare to receive your Woman!"

The ceremonial sword the sister held tapped from his left shoulder to his right and then back to his left as the sister repeated.

"Three times whilst I tap thee, once in the name of our good King Cailan, once in the name of the Divine and once in the name of our Maker."

The crowd cheered as Elissa was now escorted from her tent to the Alter and Knelt next to Alistair.

The Sister raised her voice and continued.

"Company! We are gathered together here in the sight of The Maker and his Bride to join together this Man and this Woman in a binding of life; it is an honorable estate, ordained by our Maker and King, and into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be bound."

The sister paused and looked to the people joined.

"At this day of binding, if any man do alleged and declare any impediment, why they may not be coupled together in Matrimony, by The Maker, or the Laws of the Realm and King; let him speak and be heard or nary utter a word against that which the Maker and King have brought together."

Those gathered began to shout.. "It is well with us, let them marry!"

The sister then had them rise and asked them in turn: "Alistair Theirin, Wilt thou have this Woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together in the Makers ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?"

Alistair spoke surely: "I will"

The Sister then turned to Elissa.

"Elissa Cousland, wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband, to live together in the Makers ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?"

Elissa's voice shook slightly as she answered: "I will."

"Alistair as you asked you may say your vow to your bride."

Turning Alistair slipped his signet ring from his hand, he held Elissa's left hand and as he slid the ring onto her finger he held her gaze and repeated the words he had for years longed to say.

"I take you my heart, at the rising of the moon, and the setting of the stars. To love and to honour through all that may come. Through all our lives together; in all our lives, may we be reborn, that we may meet and know and love again, and remember".

A solitary tear slipped easily down his face as he let his ring rest before removing his fingers as Elissa took his hand and continued to hold his gaze.

She used the words her mother had taught her in preparation for her wedding day, originally she had meant them for Nate, but she used them now for Alistair, she wanted the words to mean something. But she had always thought that their marriage would not be a real one, but she found herself staring into his eyes, watching a tear slide silently down his face, was that happiness?

Could they be happy she wondered, she found herself wondering if they could fall in love when the image of Nate swam through her vision, and she felt a stab of guilt and she wished she had been able to let him go, long ago, before things had become so complicated. She should have, but now she was stuck, between the man she loved, and the one she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with. She cared for Alistair; they had been through much together, but to love him?

Trying to clear her mind, she continued.

"I vow you the first cut of my meat, the first sip of my wine, from this day it shall only be your name I cry out in the night and into your eyes that I smile each morning; I shall be a shield for you back as you are for mine, nor shall a grievous word be spoken about us, for our marriage is sacred between us and no stranger shall hear my grievance.  
Above and beyond this, I will cherish and honor you through this life and into the next."

The sister turned them then to the crowd "I now pronounced you man and wife. You may seal this with a kiss."

Alistair and Elissa shared then a kiss that was all their own. Their lips touched and for the first time, they felt each other.

The crowd cheered and chants of "Maker bless the Prince and Princess" arose around them.

Before Cailan could make his toast, his personal guard pulled him aside. Cailan's face went pale and her turned to Duncan and motioned him over.

"Duncan, the scouts and lookouts have spotted the horde, they are here, at the edge of the tree line; I need to form the line and ranks, I need you to take Alistair and Elissa, I need them to be away from here. I need you to go and leave your other Wardens to fight with me."

Duncan nodded and turned to find Alistair and Elissa.

Cailan cleared his throat and called the men to rally the army. The horns of war echoed in the distance.

"Shit Fergus, we're too late. Look there, the horde is advancing." Fergus and Nathaniel reigned in their chargers in the courtyard as the first arrow fell.

The camp was in disarray, Fergus was trying to find the King but all he was told was that the King was pulling the army forward and going to engage.

"That's impossible, the might of the horde is here, and he'll never make it, not if Loghain's troops haven't been rallied."

Fergus spun the soldier around. "The Prince, where is Prince Alistair?"

The soldier sputtered and pointed towards the Grey Warden camp. "He and the Princess were taken by Duncan that way Ser. I must go I'm sorry, I need to get to the tower."

Fergus stood stunned and Nathaniel said what he was thinking. "The Princess, that's not possible."

Fergus ran in the direction of the Warden Camp but was cut off by a volley of arrows and he turned towards the tree line. "Nathaniel we'll never make it that way, we need to go around."

They both took to the trees and made to circle around. Nathaniel's mind was a stir, _Princess, what had the man meant? Elissa couldn't possibly be here. If she was, he needed to find her. Maker why would she have been brought here?_

Elissa had ripped off her dress and pulling on her armor and Alistair's, they both buckled and fitted each other as quickly as possible. She was doing the last buckle on Alistair's side when he stilled her. "It's going to be okay Elissa, I'm here, we're going with Duncan, Cailan needs us to help him. I'll be with you."

"I know Alistair, I'm glad you'll be with me." She set her jaw and turned to the door she handed Alistair his shield and sword and placed her own on her back.

Before he exited behind her Alistair spoke a silent prayer. "Maker, keep her safe I just got her, keep her with me."

Flames crashed down in the middle of the Warden Camp. Elissa was shoved towards the trees; she tripped and landed against something metallic. Catching her balance she looked up into very familiar grey blue eyes.

"Shit, Elissa you are here! What are you doing here?" Before she could answer Nathaniel was kissing her, his kisses were hurried and hot. "My love you can't be here. Come with me I'll keep you safe, we need to leave, the horde is here, I have no idea why your father would have let you come but Fergus is looking for Alistair. It's lost Elissa there is nothing to be done, Fergus and I have seen it."

Elissa tried to push back but Nathaniel had her in the circle of his arms. "Fergus is alive? Then, you don't know?"

"Know what my love? Never mind we don't have time for this, we need to find Fergus and get you away from here." He kissed her again. "I'm so glad you're okay." He began to pull her farther into the trees.

Alistair had stepped out of the tent right into a volley of fire, he watched as Elissa was pushed towards the trees. Grabbing Duncan, he made to skirt the fire; Duncan motioned for him to follow. As he made his way into the trees to get Elissa he froze.

_Howe was there, as if this nightmare wasn't bad enough. He was holding Elissa, his wife and he kissed her, was still kissing her. He saw her pull back but Howe wasn't letting her go and was pulling her farther away._

Alistair shouted, "Howe, what in the Makers name do you think you're doing here? Forget the treason of your father, that's my wife you're pulling into the woods and I'll thank you to let her go instantly before I do something we may regret."

Nathaniel's head snapped up from Elissa to meet the fiery eyes of Prince Alistair. "Your wife," Nathaniel took as step back.

"Treason, My father," Elissa could see the confusion on his face, and her heart ached for him. Nathaniel took another step back.

"Elissa, I don't know what he's talking about but if you love me come with me; there is going to be nothing left here." Nathaniel held out his hand for her.

Elissa looked sadly at his hand and took a step back from him.

Nathaniel saw this and shook his head. "I won't just give you up like this Elissa, you and I, I won't give it up. I will find you again. Things will be how I always said; he'll never love you like I do."

With that Nathaniel was gone into the shadows and Elissa fell back to Duncan and Alistair.

Alistair's hand held hers as they ran after Duncan, away from Ostagar and deeper into the wilds.


	6. Choices And Grey Wardens

It was quiet, uncomfortably quiet, as they emerged into a large clearing, Alistair could make out more ruins ahead of them. Looking down at Elissa's hand in his he sighed releasing it and almost bumped into Duncan as he stopped unexpectedly.

"We'll stop here for now, we're quite far and we need to rest." Duncan nodded towards the ruins; Alistair returned the nod and followed him inside.

They decided against a fire, not wanting to draw unwanted attention. Even though the season was late and a warm fire would have been welcome.

They sat together, Duncan handed out a few small pieces of Jerky and Elissa had found a few edible berries.

They ate their meager meal in silence before Alistair cleared his throat, directing his attention at Duncan.

"So, mind telling us what's going on now? I think we've played along well and deserve some answers."

Duncan stared at Alistair quietly for a moment before speaking.

"Alistair, those answers are not for me to give. I was asked by King Cailan to take you with me when I came to look for documents left by the Wardens, at this very keep. Well what is left of it; Elissa was only added to that plan after she was forced to accompany me to Ostagar."

"What? Cailan asked you to take me here before we left Denerim, even before you left for Highever? He had no intention of taking me with him into battle?"

"Makes sense," Mumbled Elissa

"What makes sense about that?" Alistair almost shouted. "He's in serious trouble, unless Loghain's men were ready in time he's seriously outmanned."

"It makes sense Alistair, because you're his heir. If he thought things were going to go badly he wouldn't want you dying on the same battlefield as him. That would leave the kingdom to Anora. We both know what she's like." Elissa snorted, Maker she was tired and Alistair acting like a spoiled child wasn't helping.

"He should have told me, this is bullshit. He's back there facing the darkspawn horde, and I'm what? Looking for pieces of paper?" Throwing his hands up Alistair went to continue when Elissa's sharp temper cut him off.

"Yes, well Alistair" She punctuated his name with her finger

"He's the damned King and doesn't give us options now does he? We do as he says, all of us, you think you'd be used to that by now!" Her voice was a reigned in yell and her teeth were clinched together.

Alistair opened his mouth to say what he was feeling, what he was thinking. But seeing as Duncan had already given him a warning look he swallowed his words.

_We've been married under six hours and she acts like it's the worst possible thing that could have happened._

Frustrating woman, "I'll take first watch Duncan." He needed to move, he needed to think.

The morning dawned dull and grey, Alistair hadn't slept much after he had awaked Duncan for second watch. He kept looking over at Elissa thinking about what they should be doing on their wedding night. Not arguing in the cold in the middle of the blasted wilds. He wanted nothing more than to hold her, but he told himself to give her space.

Duncan was nowhere to be found when he opened his eyes again to the dull morning light. Elissa was sitting on a block of stone not far from him, staring off towards the trees.

"I would kill for a batch of Nan's honey cakes right now." She said without looking at him.

Duncan rounded the edge of a ruined wall beyond them, he looked older than he rightfully should, the life of a Warden couldn't be an easy one and she caught herself wondering who and what he was before all of this.

"I have what I came for, though I fear I've made a deal I may not be able to keep, getting them." Duncan sighed cutting into her thoughts.

"You did what? What did we come for Duncan, I'm honestly not amused by the whole cloak and dagger routine anymore thank you very much." Alistair chuckled though he really didn't find the situation funny.

"These are grey warden treaties, for promised help with a blight from the Dwarves, Elves and Circle of Magi. It seems they fell into the possession of some wilder folk and she asked for something in return for them. No don't ask. I'm sorry Grey Warden business."

Alistair rolled his eyes. "Well what now then?"

"I keep you safe and we return to Ostagar as I promised the King."

"Bloody King, wasted field trip when I could have been doing something useful," Alistair mumbled as he picked up his shield and sword.

Elissa bit down on the inside of her cheek to keep from telling him to go to the void and stay there, if he was going to act like a baby, and busied herself pulling on her shield and turning to go.

~~ooOoo~~

Darkspawn, blood, smoke and dead men; are what greeted them on their return to Ostagar. If it wasn't a ruin already it would have been then, it had been ripped apart in one night.

Elissa couldn't believe her eyes; it was hard to imagine that a day ago, this place had held the bulk of the Kings army. They were now strewn about the ground like broken discarded toys.

If she was shocked, Alistair was devastated.

"No, no this isn't possible. They should have had more time, why is no one left, they couldn't have just all fallen here. Perhaps some of them made it?" He turned hopeful eyes to Duncan.

Duncan was kneeling next to one of his Grey Wardens, recognizable only by the griffon on his chest. "I don't know Alistair, but judging by the amount of bodies if anyone did get away; it wasn't many."

They spread out then looking for survivors. "Be careful there are still darkspawn near," Duncan warned them as they separated.

"Alistair!" Elissa's voice rang out through the abandoned camp; Alistair spun and saw the darkspawn running towards her. He was too far away; he would never make it before it was on her.

Elissa grasped the hilt of her sword and pulled it. In the same motion she slashed downward at the creature. A gush of blood hit her face and chest; she pulled back and struck again then thrust her sword through the chest of the screaming darkspawn as it fell at her feet. Three more were advancing as he reached her, together back to back they cut them down; blood covered them as the stood panting waiting, listening for more.

Alistair put an arm around her shaking shoulders as Duncan ran towards them.

Elissa's eyes were glued to the darkspawn on the ground. "Those things are awful and they smell worse." Wiping at the gore on her face, she felt his lips on her temple.

Shrugging off his arm she stepped away from him, unsure of the rushing feelings in her. She walked towards the Royal encampment she moved aside the flap of the first tent and nearly tripped over the body of the King.

"Oh maker, Cailan," she kneeled as Duncan and Alistair closed behind her.

His once golden armor looked as though it had been gnawed upon, it was caked in mud and blood; his blonde hair was matted with gore.

Duncan knelt beside her and helped her roll him to his back. Cailan groaned and Elissa jumped back, "maker, he's alive."

Alistair was pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes closed when Elissa's words hit him. "What, how in the void is he alive?"

"I'm sure I don't know Alistair, but he is. Duncan, what do we do, there isn't a healer within a day's travel of here."

"A healer isn't going to help him My Lady." Duncan tilted Cailan's face towards his.

"It's Elissa, Cailan we have you, don't worry we'll get you out of here."

Turning she put a hand on Duncan's shoulder. "Help me not be a liar Duncan."

"I'm sure Alistair and I can find potions, there must be other healing items we can find near, enough to hold him until we," Duncan was shaking his head and Elissa stopped mid thought.

"Elissa, no healer is going to help this, the King asides from being wounded has the taint in him. I can sense it and it's something no healer can help."

"So there is nothing to be done then?" She dropped her voice to barely a whisper, "Duncan."

"There is something, but it's not really a cure. You can attempt to become a grey warden; but nothing is certain. It may not even work, and even if it does." Elissa waved his last words away and looked up at Alistair, then outside the tent to the carnage beyond.

"At this point Duncan I'm going to wager a guess that you lost most, if not all of your Wardens in this battle? I don't think that you or we are in any place to not at least take a chance. If it saves the King, gets you a grey warden. If he's going to die anyway if we don't, then what's the risk? There is something else Duncan, if you're the last Grey Warden, I want to help too. If you can, I'd like to become a Warden."

"What," Both Duncan and Alistair sputtered at her.

"Yes, I'd like to help I think this is the best way. Every story I've ever been told says that Wardens are needed to stop blights. Well there aren't very many wardens here if you didn't notice, with a blight well on its way, wiping out armies. I'd say we need more of them, wouldn't you?"

"You can't do that Elissa!" Alistair was staring at her as if she had sprouted another head.

"You can't just join the Wardens without me."

Elissa scrunched up her face at him, "why not?"

Alistair couldn't believe she was this oblivious. _Bloody Maker she's driving me insane._

"I'm your Husband that's why. So we can't just have the entire Royal family up and become Wardens for Andraste's sake."

"Listen Alistair, I am not some petty nobleman's daughter. I am the daughter of Teyrn Bryce Cousland. I can take care of myself, I don't need you to follow me around and coddle me; Husband or no. On a more important note; if this blight isn't ended and quickly we're not going to be the Royal family of anything but a big blighted nothing_." _

"Yes, yes of course you're right Elissa. The most important thing is to save Ferelden; Duncan do you agree to this? I suppose we should hurry either way." He knelt next to his brother

"Okay Cailan, Wardens just like we always used to play at, if you don't die I promise to buy you a griffon."

"Alistair, griffons died out, you know that." Elissa tried not to laugh.

"Well fine, I'll buy you a pony a cute one, no really Griffon sounded much better; you know something to live for."

Duncan groaned and dragged a gloved hand down his face. "I need you to bring Cailan to the back of the tent. We will do this here; I need to go collect the items I need. Quickly now, I'll be right back." He was out of the tent before either of them could answer.

Moving Cailan gently enough to not injure him further, was a larger task then they had realized, once away from the door they settled next to him and awaited Duncan.

"I hope he hurries his breathing is getting worse." Alistair let his hand rest on Cailan's chest, to feel the shallow but still visible rise and fall. Elissa laid her hand on top of his and met his eyes with a weak smile.

"He'll live Alistair I know it." Quirking her head to the side she squinted. "Your eyes have a bit of green in them."

_How does she do that to me? One second I think she couldn't want to be farther away from me, and the next she's talking about my eyes and making me want to take her in my arms. _

Leaning over Cailan towards her he wanted to kiss her_, _to know that moment was real. His lips brushed hers just as Duncan popped back in, carrying a heavy golden goblet.

Elissa pulled back quickly, chewing her bottom lip and lifted Cailan's head into her lap.

"Okay My Lady, Elissa. I need you to help me, we don't need him choking so hold his head up, I will help him drink. One is enough; it just needs to stay down."

"Cailan if you can hear me I need you to drink this, its okay trust us." She held his head as Duncan placed the cup to his lips. The next words were spoken so softly, she wasn't sure she had actually heard them. "Cailan, from this day forward, you are a Grey Warden."


	7. Family Issues

So many thoughts were running through Nathaniel's head, that he didn't hear Fergus when he leapt from the trees. He jumped reaching for his bow when Fergus spoke.

"Whoa there Nate, if I was a darkspawn you'd be dead already. Maker where have you been, did you find Alistair?"

"In a way; Elissa was with him as that man said." Nathaniel dropped his hand from his bow but didn't relax.

"Elissa was there, I thought for sure the man was mistaken." He glanced back towards Ostagar. "Well, where is she?" Nathaniel shrugged and continued walking.

"She left with her husband and that Warden Duncan that was in Highever." His eyes were on the ground, and he didn't pause when Fergus stopped.

"Her husband, what in the Makers ass happened while we were gone? So what they just ran back into that mess, and you let her?" Nathaniel stopped at that and spun on Fergus.

"She didn't give me much of a bloody choice Fergus! She chose to run back with him, into most certain death. Shit Fergus what was I supposed to do, I tried telling her you were with me but she went with him. She mentioned something about my Father; I'm not sure what is going on actually, just that everything is completely screwed up."

"Well, I think the only option at this point is to head to Denerim and wait for word." Fergus made to move around Nathaniel and he grabbed him by the elbow.

"You don't think we should go back? The King, our fathers not to mention Elissa are back there."

Fergus scuffed his boot on the ground and folded his arms. "I know this is terrible to say Nate, but if that battle is going as we thought it would, with the Army not being prepared for that onslaught, we would be walking back just to be slaughtered as an afterthought. No, we need to make our way to Denerim and pray to the Maker, the King was able to pull off a miracle."

With a nod, Nathaniel took one last look back towards the direction of Ostagar and Elissa.

"Alright then Fergus as you say, lead the way."

Fergus began walking again and chuckled low. "Maker I hate walking, shit, I miss my Charger already."

Shaking his head Nathaniel fell in line behind him, try as he might he couldn't get the thought of Elissa being married out of his head, Maker he needed to talk to her; the way she had looked at him before she had gone back to Alistair. He knew her and that was fear; why would she look at him like that? Maker he wished he knew what was going on.

~~ooOoo~~

The trip back to Denerim felt like the longest in Nathaniel's life. Too much time to think, too much time with Fergus talking and complaining.

The sun was low in the sky, when they did reach the capital and he and Fergus set right for the Palace.

"Worst trip, ever. Remind me not to do that ever again." Fergus laughed

"It's not funny Fergus, or did you forget what we left; that your sister might well be dead, not to mention the King?"

"Maker Nate you're so doom and gloom, Elissa was with Prince Alistair and the Warden. Besides she's very capable in her own right. You've been brooding for days stop it."

Nathaniel responded with a grunt low in his throat. "That maybe, but you saw what we left. Never mind you're impossible when you're like this."

They entered through the Palace gates and were met by three of Nathaniel's father's men.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be," before he could finish his father was walking through the double doors at the other end of the courtyard, "well, well my son is here. Look you've brought me a present. I figured you two for dead, what a nice surprise."

Nathaniel was caught off guard, as his father motioned to his men and he was seized by the arms as the other two men took Fergus to the ground and rendered him unconscious.

Nathaniel struggled to free himself, but days of little food and water, and even less sleep had left him weak.

"Andraste's flaming ass father, what are you doing?"

Rendon Howe was inches from Nathaniel's face when he finally answered him.

"I'm fixing what you messed up boy. Don't give me that look, you lost us one of the most prominent places in Ferelden and I'm fixing that. If only you would have brought the girl with you we could have been done with this."

Loghain entered from the side and Nate's face turned to him.

"Loghain, the King you must know, Fergus and I," but Loghain cut him off.

"Yes, I know. The King is dead and you and Fergus deserted your posts. The crown will deal with you and Fergus accordingly."

Nathaniel sputtered. "The King was dead?" Then it had all happened as they thought it would. The horde had over taken them. "But the Prince, he and Elissa were married surely they are here."

Loghain held up a hand, "by all accounts they were all killed at Ostagar, I was lucky to get my men out before we were all slaughtered. Your father was dealing with the traitorous acts of the Couslands, and has just arrived here in Denerim so his men were also spared the slaughter."

"The what, of the Couslands, that's not bloody possible. What is going on?" Nathaniel bellowed.

Arl Howe flicked his finger to the side. "Take the Cousland boy to the dungeon; I will deal with my son."

The men holding Fergus dragged him out the side door, and the third released Nathaniel, before he could speak his father backhanded him and he tasted blood.

"I should have sent you away, the moment the marriage contract with our family was broken. I thought maybe you'd convince that little bitch to beg the King to marry you, because she was so bloody in love with you. But no, you let her go, so now I've had to take matters into my own hands. You had better hope that the bitch is dead, so you don't have to see what I'll do to that traitor's daughter if she lives."

Nathaniel was deadly calm, as he stared at his father.

"I don't know what madness you have Father, but know that if Elissa is alive she'll kill you if you hurt Fergus or me. Rendon's hand clenched and the blow landed square on Nate's jaw. "Just for that whelp, you're going to spend some time with your friend in the dungeon; you can rot there for all I care."

The blow caused his head to snap back, he spit the blood at his father's feet and met his eyes square on.

"What did you do to Elissa's family Father? That traitor story is bullshit; you and I both know it."

His father laughed then "They were dealt with, and I would have had that damned girl too, if it wasn't for the Warden. Then when you showed up here I would have been able to fulfill that which had been promised to our family. Wouldn't that be nice? You'd be rutting that stupid girl, rather than being locked up. Pity the Warden had to go and rescue her hmm?"

Rendon nodded to the guard and Nathaniel was taken away.

Nate felt sick; his own father had killed the entire family of Fergus and Elissa. The only people he had ever truly loved.

He was tossed into a cell across from Fergus and as he stared at him he felt himself die a little inside.

Maker, how was he going to explain all this to him, his eyes went wide and his breath caught in his chest. Elissa, that's why she was afraid of him, she thought he knew, she thought he had been sent to kill Fergus; Andraste please let her be alive, he must tell her. The thought of her hating him was worse than any betrayal his father could have done.

Nathaniel pulled his knees to his chest and let his head rest on them. "I wish I would have stayed with you Elissa. I'm sorry."

He prayed then for the first time in years, he prayed that she was alive and that he would be with her again.

~~ooOoo~~

Fegus groaned and lifted his head from the stone floor, blinking his eyes to clear them. He was in a cell, Nathaniel was across the room in his own cell his head down.

"What the in the Makers name was that Nate? Where are we?"

Nathaniel slowly raised his head from his knees.

"Fergus, you're not going to like what I'm going to tell you."

Over the next half hour, Nathaniel attempted to retell the story that he had pieced together from what his father had told him. Interrupted by angry outbursts and cusses from Fergus he continued slowly.

"Please believe me Fergus when I say, I had no idea what my father was planning. I would have never let us leave Elissa if I had."

Fergus's glare could have killed an ogre. "Yes, well that doesn't matter now does it? What did your father think he was doing? How could Loghain not know what he's about?"

Nathaniel shook his head "I have a feeling that Loghain isn't innocent in all of this. With the King and prince out of the way, who is the Queen now? His own daughter; I fear this goes far deeper than we think."

On his feet pacing, Fergus slammed his fists into the wall on the side of his cell. "We need to get out of here Nate." He turned slamming his back against the wall and sliding down till he was sitting.

"If by some chance they still live, they need to know that they have been betrayed."

"Yes well we must wait for the opportune moment; we're wanted men now Fergus, even if we get out of here, we can't just go traipsing around."

Fergus glared at him again. "Yes, well we have to try, we can just let them walk in here to be killed."

"Don't look at me like that, I didn't do this."

"No, but you said he was going to use you. I wonder Nathaniel, if your father would have had Elissa here and he offered her to you when you got here. To marry and all of that, for the betterment of the kingdom of course what with her father and brother traitors, to save the Cousland line; what would you have done? Would you have believed him just to get my sister?"

Jumping to his feet, Nathaniel was at the bars of his cell his voice low.

"How dare you Fergus. I love your sister and of course I want her, but I would never have believed anything like that. I would have never forced her to do anything against her will and I would never cross you, I would never have hurt your wife and child. Ever! How could you ask me something like that?"

Fergus stared at Nathaniel, before finally sighing letting his shoulders slouch.

"I know Nate, I know. It's just, everything I've ever loved is gone and I'm powerless to do anything, I feel dead inside."

"I know how you feel, more than you know." Whispered Nathaniel as the dark seemed to settle about them.

Little did they know as they were talking, just a few cells down there was someone else listening intently to their conversation. Someone who was willing to do just about anything to get out of there, he tied his blonde hair back and stood clearing his throat.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help but overhear, and perhaps I could be of service?"

Both Nathaniel and Fergus jumped as the new voice entered the silence.

"And who might you be?" Inquired Fergus, "and how could you help us?"

"Of course right well, I happen to have a knack for breaking out of places like this."

"Oh really," Snorted Nathaniel, "you look about as stuck here as we do, so why haven't you escaped before now?"

"Oh, please if the bloody Templar's can't keep me in a tower on the middle of a damn island, these half wits, aren't going to keep me in a dungeon long. I just needed help getting out of here, you see I don't know the palace and I would most likely get caught running into a linen closet or something. So I need you and you need me."

As he spoke these last words his cell swung open and he stood between them glancing from Nate to Fergus.

"I'm Anders; let's get out of here shall we?"


	8. Where We Go From Here

Fire, darkspawn a dragon and someone was screaming. Cailan couldn't find the source of the screams, he was searching but all he could see was smoke, fire and darkspawn.

He sat up then opened his eyes; cold sweat dripped down his back, it was all gone and he realized the screams were his own.

Cailan blinked, Alistair and Elissa were sitting to his side, in what looked like his tent, what was left of it anyways.

"Fantastic wasn't it, that would be great at parties." Alistair tried to chuckle but it came out hollow, forced.

"What are you two doing here, scratch that how am I alive? The last thing I remember is hearing that Loghain was pulling his army back, he was retreating. He never did join the battle, he left us there to die that bastard. The front lines were broken."

"We returned after the battle Cailan, Elissa found you here. You were injured, but beyond that you had the darkspawn taint. Duncan agreed to make you a Grey Warden in an attempt to save your life." Alistair finished slowly watching Cailan's face closely.

"What? Me a Warden, are you joking with me right now Alistair?"

"Nooo, actually this is so far from a joke. So funny story though, you'll love this. Elissa decided that it would be a great idea, to become a warden herself and convinced me that we needed to save Ferelden, so we're all Wardens now."

The laughter that erupted from Cailan, caused him to go into a coughing fit. He gasped and slapped his knee, his face contorting in pain as he did but the smile still present.

"All of us grey wardens? That's priceless, can you imagine the look on every ones faces? The entire Royal family of Ferelden, part of the order that was kicked out until our father let them back. This is even better than my first plan."

"What was your first plan?" Alistair asked with a quirk of his brow.

Cailan waved this question away

"Maker I'm glad you two are alive. See, sending you with Duncan was the right thing. I told you, I'm always right."

Appearing at the entrance to the tent, Duncan ducked his head inside

"Oh, I see your Majesty is awake. Your Highness I think if the King is able we should depart. This isn't the safest place and I would like to get some distance between us and Ostagar, build camp and discuss what we need to do."

"Of course Duncan, Cailan do you think you can stand?" Elissa put a hand under his arm and helped him to rise.

"Yes, thank you Elissa I'm sore in places I didn't even know I could be sore. Maker, but yes I'll be fine, lead the way Duncan."

The walk was slow, Cailan was limping, his breathing still labored. By the time the sun was setting everyone was exhausted, cold and in need of food.

"Cailan I think we need to get your chest piece off, it's badly dented and I think it's pressing in on your ribs." Elissa moved to undo the leather buckles at the side and sat him down next to a fallen tree.

"You need to rest; we need to get you to a healer, but for now rest. We'll set up camp."

"Oh sure, one little battle and he gets out of setting up camp." Alistair winked at his brother as Elissa brushed past him.

"Thanks for volunteering to set up the tents Alistair; I'll go get things to build a fire."

Crossing his arms Alistair pursed his lips. "Figures I should learn to keep my big mouth shut."

The sky was growing dark and Duncan nodded towards the woods. "I need to see if I can't find us something to eat. I'll return shortly."

"Sounds like she's settling right into being married, she has that tone already." Cailan watched his brother shake his head as he laid out the tents.

"That's the same tone she's used since we were all children."

"Well, I know it's been difficult; your first few days of marriage haven't been exactly perfect."

"You can say that again, the only one getting kissed in my marriage, is Nathaniel Howe." His teeth were clinched as he moved to the second tent.

"What?" Cailan sat up interested.

"Oh yeah, right before we left with Duncan, Nathaniel was trying to take Elissa to Maker knows where kissing her, telling her he loves her; great ending to our wedding."

"Well shit, Alistair you're going to have to talk to her at some point. Tell her what you told me, I mean it was enough to get me to break a long standing marriage contract, which by all rights probably started this mess."

"Right, perfect, guilt her into feeling like she should love me that would work out so well; no I think I won't thank you."

Groaning and rolling his eyes at Alistair's back, Cailan bent his knee laying his arm over top.

"You realize though she thinks you were forced into this marriage; don't you think it would help if she knew that you wouldn't marry, maker you wouldn't touch another woman unless it was her? I mean you've been telling me how wonderful she is since we were what ten? Then when it was time to get something settled about your marriage, you told me it was her or no one, so what choice did I have? You don't think letting her know it wasn't just me being political with her father would help?"

Alistair went quiet as he continued his task; his mind was pulling him back to a hunting trip with her family and his when they were about ten. They had been friends, as much as you can be on seeing each other twice a year.

It was that trip, when he had seen her smile and her laugh for what they were and they haunted him. He knew then he was in love with the blue eyed, auburn haired girl and he spent four years telling Cailan and his father about her. They were fourteen when their marriage was announced. He remembered that day clearly, Elissa looked like she had spent the entire trip to Denerim crying. He hadn't understood then, but he did now. She had never seen him as he saw her.

_It's too damn late now Alistair, she's your wife and you have to figure this out. I won't let her go but I won't force her. I want her to love me, not my crown and not because she feels sorry for me. I want her to love me for me. Maker Alistair you sound foolish._

He shook his head then his voice low. "No Cailan, I don't think it would help, help get me hurt maybe but other than that, she needs to decide this on her own."

"Well don't come crying to me when she believes this is purely political, gives you a son and takes Nathaniel Howe to bed." There was no teasing in Cailan's voice, only a raw honesty that spoke volumes.

He stared hard at his brother who leveled a look at him that made Alistair quirk his head. "She wouldn't, would she? I know you're not faithful to Anora but she would never."

"Oh wouldn't she Alistair? Please, it's what comes from a loveless marriage, and I haven't even gotten the child out of it. I like Anora enough, but you know I was never in love with her. In fact I would have rather married Elissa truth be told, but no you had to go and be in love with her."

He chuckled at the look of anger Alistair shot him then. "It's not my fault that the fact she can handle herself on a battlefield as well as any man is deadly attractive. Stop looking at me like that Alistair."

It took a moment for what Cailan was saying to process, Elissa might not ever come around, this just might be how it was going to be, could he do that? Could he live his life loving a woman who wasn't in love with him, who would only do her duty by him? The answer found him and he was shocked that it was yes, yes he would love her.

_Maker this is going to be complicated he thought._

"Honestly Cailan I hope it doesn't work out that way, but we've come this far and I will let Elissa make up her own mind. I can give her that much, since I seem to mess everything up." Cailan nodded his head as they heard Elissa and Duncan making their way back to camp; he understood what Alistair meant better than he would ever know.

Duncan had managed a small rabbit and Elissa build a nice fire. It was the first time that they had been warm and at least partially fed in quite a while. The conversation was quiet at first, but quickly turned to their next destination.

"I think we need to head to Redcliff as I had mentioned to you Duncan, I need to get to my Uncle. His men were not at Ostagar and he would never side with Loghain. After that it's all you Duncan, we are your Wardens we shall do as you say to defeat this blight."

Cailan saluted Duncan and Duncan bowed his head. "As your Majesty wishes; we shall head to Redcliff at first light."

The camp grew quiet; the only sound was the crackling fire, until Alistair cleared his throat.

"So what about being a Warden do we need to know Duncan? Besides the nightmares; I think we figured that one out."

Duncan was already standing and making his way to a tent; he turned and smiled at the three of them.

"You'll see and I'll teach you on the way." With that he entered his tent and Cailan winked at Alistair.

"Honestly by far the best near death experience I've ever had. What a glorious day."

Elissa wrinkled her nose up at Cailan. "You are so disturbed I can't believe you're our king."

"Don't forget your brother in-law, so now you have to love me." He grinned and she stared at her hands.

"Yes you are at that."

"You know Elissa, I will make sure you have a grand ceremony when we're back at the Palace. The crowned princess will want for nothing."

"I know Cailan you're very kind, thank you." She still hadn't looked up from her hands brushing them on her legs she stood. "You should get some sleep Cailan, glorious day or not you did almost die." She helped him up and to his tent and once he was devoid of the rest of his armor, she left him and returned to the fire.

"I suppose we should retire as well."

She nodded and once in the tent she moved forward to undo his armor, smiling he returned the favor his hand pausing on her shoulder where the armor had bit into her skin.

"I'm sorry I must have done the buckle too tightly."

"It's okay; it's not the first time it's happened." She smiled and Alistair leaned forward kissing her shoulder. Frozen Elissa wasn't sure what to do, that kiss was much too familiar. Nathan had always kissed her shoulders and neck as he helped her with her armor. The kiss didn't end at her shoulder; he kissed up her neck and nipped her ear, his fingertips on her jaw turning her lips to his.

Alistair told himself to stop a dozen times, but he couldn't. Having her so near and not touching her would have been the worst sort of torture, so he gave in kissing her, coaxing her hands around his neck and finally reaching under her tunic and pulling it off as he pulled his off.

His lips and hands explored the smooth shape of her waist and hips drifting upwards to the swell of her breasts. Dipping his head he sucked one nipple and then the other, little mews were coming from Elissa that threatened to drive him mad. He lifted her in his arms and kneeled, laying her back on the bedroll. Kissing down between her breasts and to the top of her breeches he pushed them down. He felt the reflexive jerk, and her hands flexed as if to push him away, she stilled and let him continue as he kissed down one thigh and tossed her breeches away.

Bringing his lips back to hers, he kissed her softly almost asking as his fingers found her and gently sought her out, he let one finger glide into her and was surprised to find her wet, as his fingers brushed higher she shivered under him. He had been told about this and let his fingertips flick over her.

She gave a cry of disappointment as his fingers left her. His lips found her nipple again and her back arched as he entered her, feeling resistance he stared down into her eyes, confused.

Biting her lip she nodded. "It's okay, I know it hurts Alistair go ahead."

He tried to go slowly with her bracing himself he broke through her maidenhead a bit roughly. Trying to hold him-self within her, to let the pain pass without moving was the hardest thing he had ever done. Feeling her relax he began to move inside of her.

"Elissa I've never, I'm sorry I don't know how long," his hands sought out the spot that had caused her to cry out and moved over her again. She cried out and he felt her tighten around him and he lost himself to her completely.

She was a virgin, well at least that was one ghost he didn't have to compete with.

He rolled to his side, as she rolled to face the back wall of the tent.

He heard her whisper good night, and he swore he heard tears in her voice.


	9. Interrupted

Sometimes what and who people really are isn't realized until later in their life, or perhaps never; so it seemed to be with Cailan.

Elissa noticed a difference in him, on the journey to Redcliff. Whereas before he had always been lighthearted and sometimes a bit of a goof, he seemed to have a seriousness of purpose now that he was a Warden and spent much of the trip in conversation with Duncan, about the blight and their plans.

Elissa on the other hand, felt as if she had no direction. She had always dreamed of being a Warden, not really in this way though. Nathaniel and she had spent long hours by the lake, dreaming of fighting the Darkspawn and their life together.

She had known those plans would change and she had resigned herself, to a life of being a wife and mother to perhaps the future Rulers of Ferelden.

To say that the night after they found Cailan at Ostagar was awkward would be an understatement, she knew they had to be together; they needed to be able to have children. Anora had failed in this respect and she knew Cailan had thought to put her aside and take another wife; she wouldn't let that happen to herself though, she would do her duty. If her father had taught her one thing, it was to never shirk her duty to her country and family. She prayed that Fergus was truly alive as Nathaniel had said, but a part of her was still unconvinced and it killed her to think of Nate having any part in what happened.

Nathaniel, her mind drifted to him, he was so different than the man next to her. Nate was dark, serious and always told her what was on his mind; she could read him as well as she could herself.

Whereas Alistair was light, golden; he found humor in things most would not and he was a mystery to her. Sure she had known him for most of her life, but it stopped at knowing what he liked to do not who he was, he spoke little of what was truly on his mind, perhaps a result of being raised at court, where people rarely actually said what was on their mind choosing instead the popular opinion. It always felt as if he was holding back, she couldn't understand what he was about. Perhaps he just had nothing to say to her.

Alistair caught her looking at him out of the corner of his eye. He started to make a joke but realized her eyes had a faraway look to them. She wasn't actually looking at him, more looking through him. The urge to talk to her after they had been together was pulling at him, Cailan's words haunted him and he wanted to grab her and tell her everything, how much the thought of her only doing her duty by him as it had felt like that night killed him; but the thought of pushing her farther away with a pitiful display of begging, scared him even more.

As Redcliff came into view a sigh of relief washed over the group.

"Thank the Maker; I thought we'd never get here." Elissa moved forward and the rest followed.

Teagan had just returned for Denerim and the tidings were grim. The King and Prince both killed in the battle at Ostagar, the Wardens being denounced and turned away during a blight! The Couslands being denounced as Traitors, being put to the sword by Arl Howe, it just didn't seem possible. Teagan had known the Couslands his entire life and could not bring himself to believe what Loghain had told the Landsmeet.

Anora, Queen in her own right, more like Loghain finally getting his way in all things.

He leaned onto the ramparts as a gentle evening breeze ruffled his hair, squinting he could just make out a party coming towards the keep. Making his way down from the walk he headed towards the gate to meet the group, as he stepped through the gate, one of the party broke away and before he knew it, a ghost had her arms wrapped firmly around his neck.

"Elissa, what in the Makes name, we thought you dead." Looking up to the rest of the group, Teagan's jaw just about hit the ground. "Your Majesty, Your Highness." He bowed his head quickly looking up with a mix of shock and relief. "Everyone thought you dead at Ostagar, how?"

Cailan held up a hand and nodded towards the keep. "Please uncle we have traveled long, and I am in need of a healer. We will talk after we have all cleaned up, please tell me Eamon is home."

"Yes your Majesty he is, of course come inside we shall get you everything you need."

Days Before in Denerim

The escape if you can call it that was easy too easy if you asked Nathaniel. Something was off; he couldn't put his finger on it. But something was wrong very wrong in Denerim. With his skill in tracking, ability to hide in shadows not to mention his lock-picking skills they were out and into Denerim before anyone knew they were gone. They made a beeline for the outskirts of the city, making for the west road deciding to stay close to it but not on it.

Nate was of a single mind and his pace was causing the other two men with him to double time it, just to keep up.

"Nate, where are you going? Stop will you, talk to me. We need a plan we can just go running off."

"I'm going to Ostagar Fergus. I'm going to find Elissa if she lives, if she doesn't." Swallowing he shook his head. "I don't know, what I do know is that I need to find her. I need to know if she's alive."

"Nate," Fergus rested a hand on his friends shoulder. "Listen, if she did make it she was with Alistair and Duncan right? Where would they have gone? Where is the first place they would try to make it to that had a friendly face?"

Nate's eyes lit up. "Redcliff, right the Prince's uncle is there, it's quite the trip but if we move we can make in a few days." Nate worried his bottom lip for a moment before looking Fergus in the eye. "I know you want to go to Highever," Fergus turned from him and shook his head.

"Not now Nate, I'll deal with that when we don't have a horde of Darkspawn and the fate of a country, hanging on a razors edge." Nathaniel nodded and they both turned to the Mage behind them.

Anders took a step back from the two men. "Well now that we're out of there, I suppose I should be off." He stood looking towards the north but he didn't make to leave.

"Anders, thank you. Really I know you had motives of your own, but thank you all the same." Nate folded his arms across his chest, waiting for the mage to depart.

The mage nodded, causing his pony tail to bob as he scratched at the stubble covering his jaw.

Fergus laughed. "Anders, you're more than welcome to come with us. Maker knows we could use the help of a talented mage. Besides we might be able to get you some help to get to, where ever it is that you want to go."

He grinned and stepped back up to the men. "Well I didn't want to say anything, but you two might need help and seeing as things can't get much worse, I might as well." He fell behind Nathaniel as they set out.

Their pace was grueling as they pushed on towards Redcliff; they stopped only to rest and eat and only in short spurts.

"It's lucky I've been running most of my life, or you two would be killing me right now." Anders was sucking wind at that point, so Nathaniel slowed.

"So Nate, can I call you Nate? What's with this girl, Fergus's sister is it? I get that she was lost at Ostagar, but my question is, why was your wife at a battle of this magnitude?"

"She's not my wife she's," Fergus cut him off with a chuckle.

"She's actually the wife of Prince Alistair, you know of Ferelden."

"Oh I've heard of him alright, well then if she's with her husband why do you care?"

"Nate here is irrevocably in love with my sister; it's like the plot to some of the worst romance novels my mother used to read, very tragic." Fergus rolled his eyes as Nathaniel groaned.

"You talk too much Fergus."

~~ooOoo~~

Elissa had never been so tired in her life. She had left Alistair, Cailan and Duncan to their discussion with Eamon and Teagan, found the first guest chamber she could and collapsed on the bed.

She didn't know how long she slept, but she was awakened by the most enticing smell of chocolate and baked bread.

She sat up slowly stretching; Alistair was there sitting at the edge of the bed, with a loaf of fresh bread and a cup of chocolate.

"I thought you would be hungry, and I remembered that Orlesian chocolate was your favorite. Luckily Isolde keeps it around." Handing her the cup his fingertips brushed hers, lingering before pulling back. He set about cutting some cheese and meat to offer with the bread. He set on the bed, and she devoured the bread and cheese eagerly. After three pieces she slowed and took a drink.

"Thank you Alistair, that was very kind of you to think of me."

Nodding took her hand. "Of course Elissa, you're my wife; I'll always take care of you."

She bit her lip, was it out of duty she wondered.

He had meant it to be reassuring and loving, judging by the look she was giving the cup in her other hand though it did not have that effect.

"Hey, since you're up would you like to go for a walk, out by the lake? The others are busy discussing our next move, but I thought you and I might enjoy a nice evening before we're back on the road saving the world."

"I uh, er, sure why not, it would be nice to see the Lake again."

Keeping a hold of her hand, he helped her rise and they made their way outside the keep, down to the village and the Lakes edge. They walked in silence by the water's edge.

Elissa stopped, lifted her face towards the sun and breathed in deeply, closing her eyes. The memories of a place much like this one rushing back to her.

The sun reflected off her auburn hair, causing it to shine, as Alistair watched her close her eyes, and breathe in the damp air; she was so beautiful in that moment that his heart melted and he squeezed her hand.

"Elissa, I wanted to tell you something," in that moment she pulled her hand out of his and ran down the beach. "Come on Alistair I want to show you something."

He followed her as she ducked around an outcropping of rocks and to a small cove.

"Do you remember this place? Fergus and I used to pretend this was our pirate cove and we would play at swords here; mostly with sticks." Picking up a stick near her she smiled and jabbed at him with it.

"Ho, ho really, yes I do remember and I was a pretty good pirate myself ye' scurvy dog!" Grabbing a branch near the edge of the beach he squared off with her and they dueled. They spent the afternoon that way. Laughing and talking about children's games, including discussing who had won an old race that he swore she cheated at by having Fergus hold him back and attempt to drown him.

He felt closer to her in that afternoon, than he ever had in the years since he became nothing but the prince she was betrothed to. He almost felt like her friend again.

"Alistair, I would like our children to spend a lot of time here. I've always liked it, I think they would too."

His heart leapt, Maker she was talking about their children, and she was smiling. "Of course my dear, when things are said and done, we shall travel here as much as you like." Taking her hand he held it to his lips. "Anything you wish."

They walked back to the keep, at ease with each other. Hand in hand, it felt more like a couple that had just started courting, rather than a married one, but it was a start.

"You know, Teagan says you enjoy a good spar before supper. Why didn't you ever tell me? I would have sparred with you before all those stuffy dinners we were forced to attend."

Elissa laughed then doubling over,"oh yes my mother would have just loved that. No, she told me to be nothing but the princess you would expect to raise your children. You know I was not to let down my family or country."

She slapped a hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry Alistair I didn't mean it to sound," but Alistair was already laughing madly.

"She didn't know me then, because I fell in love with you when we were out hunting, you were so alive and I thought having a wife like you would be perfect. Then you never sparred with me after our engagement. I didn't know your mother had told you not to."

He was still laughing but Elissa had gone very still. "What did you say Alistair?"

He didn't have time to answer, as there was a great clamor at the front gate.

Alistair turned to figure out what the issue was, and caught the eyes of the last person in Thedas he expected to see. Alistair felt the progress he and Elissa were about to make slam to a halt, as her eyes followed his gaze to that of the blue grey stare of Nathaniel Howe.


	10. To Make Things Worse

The sun was bright and the air crisp when Cailan stepped out into the courtyard; he was walking toward Alistair and Elissa when the commotion at the front gate caught his attention. The first man he noticed was Fergus Cousland.

"Maker, Fergus is that you? Damn man it's good to see you alive!"

"I could say the same, Your Majesty, Loghain told us you were dead along with the Prince and Elissa. It seems the rest of my family was not as lucky as we." Fergus was talking to Cailan, but his gaze rested firmly on Elissa.

"Yes, I know Fergus, Elissa was there when it happened, Duncan saved her and brought her to us. Though it seems we've all been betrayed and if wasn't for Duncan again, I would be dead." Cailan's eyes turned to the man at the back of the group.

"Who's this?"

Fergus nodded towards the mage, "Anders Your Majesty. He helped Nate and I escape from the Palace in Denerim."

"He helped you what? No, never mind, you can tell me everything later first."

Cailan turned to Nathaniel. "What have you to say for yourself Howe? To be up front with you, I'm surprised to see Fergus alive."

Nate's eyes were hard, angry as he turned them to the King. "Your Majesty, I had no idea what my father was planning, if I had I would have died to stop it and with all due respect, I would never hurt Fergus or Elissa."

Cailan looked to where Alistair and Elissa stood, and shook his head at the look on Elissa's face.

"That remains to be seen Nathaniel."

Elissa couldn't believe her eyes; Nate and Fergus were before her. As Alistair reached for her hand she pulled away, forgotten were the words he had said to her, she was running before she even realized what was happening.

Alistair reached for Elissa's hand and grabbed air as she ran towards Nathaniel, he was shocked. She wouldn't do that to him, not here in front of everyone.

Elissa moved past Nate and into Fergus's arms, the tears that had been held back were now pouring forth.

"Fergus, thank the Maker you're okay, I didn't know what to think." Fergus held her, his tears joining with hers as they moved towards the keep, to talk alone and mourn their family together.

Cailan nodded to Nathaniel. "When Elissa and Fergus have finished I would like to see the two of you inside." His eyes turned to Anders.

"Bring him with you; I would have use of you all." With that he turned, making his own way back into the keep leaving a shocked Nathaniel and a relived Alistair in his wake.

One shocked that the love of his life, barely looked at him. The other relived that the love of his life, didn't run to the arms of another man.

Locking eyes with Nathaniel, Alistair couldn't look away, he wanted more than anything to march over to Nathaniel damned Howe and tell him to never look, never talk to his wife ever again, but he couldn't bring himself to say the words, he settled for a glare and a stiff nod, as he spun and walked to the keep.

Nate stood next to Anders in the court yard, wondering how so much could change in such a short amount of time.

Anders chuckled, "I see why you ran us out here like the darkspawn were on our arses. I'd do some pretty awful things just for the chance to have her in," Nate cut Anders off with a look.

"Don't finish that sentence."

Anders put up his hands in surrender.

"I was just saying, but on a more unpleasant note, I'm going to assume that man was the prince and her husband, yeah, he hates you. If you want her, you're going to have to deal with the fact that he may kill you."

Dragging a hand through his hair and stalking towards the keep, Nate's eyes flicked to the sky. _I just about killed us to get here. Afraid she was dead and I find her laughing with her damn prince._

"Andraste's ass, maybe I should have stayed in the damn dungeon."

~~oo00oo~~

Nathaniel found Fergus leaving Elissa's room sometime later, and he went to move around him to knock on the door.

"Nate, don't. She's resting, not to mention that's not only her room."

Nate sighed and slammed his back against the wall behind him. "Damn it Fergus, I need to see her, you have no idea how much it hurts to not be with her." He washed his hands over his face.

Fergus swallowed his gut reaction to yell at him about his wife and son, instead opting for the simple way out, distraction.

"Did you know that the King, Prince and Elissa are all Grey Wardens now?"

"What, you must be joking, I need to talk to her Fergus."

Fergus held out a hand. "Leave it for now Nate, there will be time for that later."

Nate had stopped listening to him he knew, he had that far away look he got when he was planning something, his face was serious and he nodded absently at him.

"Yes, of course Fergus."  
"Where are you going Nate? The King wishes to see us."

But it was too late, Nathaniel was down the hall and well on his mission.

Nathaniel brushed past Anders in his quest to find the warden Duncan.

"Where are you off to?"

"Anders, what would you say, to becoming a Grey Warden?"

The look on Anders face, was one of shock and amusement.

"I would say if it keeps my robes out of the templar's mitts I'm in, but why do I have a feeling, this has more to do with that blue eyed cutie, than you wanting to protect me, or Ferelden for that matter."

"Elissa is a warden now; I need to be with her. We've never faced anything like this apart, I need to be there for her. I wasn't there at Ostagar or for her family, but I will be there now; even if it kills me."

Nathaniel moved forward and Anders dropped in behind him. "If this doesn't kill you, he might."

"Yes I know that, but she's worth it."

"If you say so, but I've been with a lot of women and trust me one is pretty much like the other, there are others you know. Maybe it's time to let her go."

Nathaniel was silent and Anders rolled his eyes at the back of his head. This love sick fool was going to get them both killed.

~~oo00oo~~

One by one, the company drifted back to the courtyard where Alistair and Cailan seemed to be having a heated discussion.

"He did what? No, I will not permit it; he's only doing this to be closer to Elissa. Makers balls Cailan stop him, you don't even know for sure that he didn't know his father's plans and then just backed out."

"Alistair stop it, you look like you're about to stomp your foot like a spoiled child and don't look now but your hair seems to be standing on end, oh, wait that's how you like it."

Alistair's eyes were narrowed slits as he glared at Cailan. "Damn it, I can't believe I'm just going to have to sit here and let this happen."

Duncan nodded as the two went silent.

"Yes, Nathaniel and Anders have offered their services to the wardens. In the present situation there is no reason to not allow them, we have need of all if we are to stop this blight."

Duncan left the group to prepare. "We leave at first light, get some rest."

Alistair kicked at a rock and stormed his way back into the keep, he couldn't help but notice that Nathaniel and Anders as well as Elissa weren't outside for Duncan's announcement.

_Just when I thought I might have her alone, that maybe I won't have to fight against a ghost here he is in the flesh, Cailan's right you know. You sound like a spoiled child. _

Their room was empty and he just knew she was with him. _Sod it all._

Cailan found Alistair in the Dining room drinking.

"What do you think you're doing? We leave early, shouldn't you be with your wife, or maybe I don't know getting ready to leave?"

"Oh, leave it Cailan go away, the wife doesn't want to be with me so why should I care and so what if we're leaving tomorrow, it's not like I've never drank and then had to get up; it's my bloody headache, besides it was just one."

"Don't you think you should find your wife? I saw her head outside some time ago; she checked in on the joining and then left."

"She did what? Why would she do that, it's dark out and something could happen."

"Don't care huh?"

"Oh shut up."

Cailan laughed as he watched Alistair make for the front gate, and then made his way to his own room.

She was nowhere to be seen in the yard, a guard pointed down the path that lead to the village and he almost ran to try and catch her.

He found her sitting on a bridge, in front of a waterfall on the path.

Her feet were dangling off the side, her head hung low like when she had been scolded and she reminded him again of that girl he fell in love with and his heart melted.

"Elissa" He whispered so he wouldn't startle her when he sat down. "Elissa, why are you out here?"

She didn't answer him just bit her bottom lip when he sat.

He sighed and took another approach.

"How were Howe and his mage friend? They made it through the joining okay?"

Her head lifted and her blue eyes met his, a great shining tear slid down her cheek and rested on her bottom lip. Reaching forward, he brushed it away with his thumb. "Don't cry dearest; tell me, is everything alright?"

The tears flowed then and she sniffed, "the joining went fine, it was just that when Nathaniel joined, he looked dead he didn't come back right away like you did, it was different but Duncan said he would be fine."

She dragged a hand across her eyes and Alistair nodded, the pain in his heart was enough to kill him. He knew how she felt, it was the same way he felt when she had taken the joining, when he saw her that first time laid out on his bed bloody and bruised at Ostagar. The words that he dreaded to speak came, and it was like a dagger in his chest.

"Elissa, I can't do this, I can't watch you in pain. If you love him, I can't keep you from him, I won't do that to you. I can find a way to have our marriage annulled, I won't force you."

Alistair stood, he couldn't be this close to her, his resolve was failing he needed to walk away.

"You should go back to the keep, it's dark and the night is cold. Duncan wishes us to leave at first light."

He turned, he couldn't bear to look at her face, so he walked away, he walked away from the one thing he truly loved.

Elissa sat shocked, staring at the retreating form of Alistair.

_What had he just said, he couldn't be serious? She had been about to tell him, and then he just drops that and walks away?_

Alistair jumped as the door slammed behind Elissa, and she stalked into the room like an angry Mabari.

"What was that about? That's it? You just what, you just quit?"

Alistair blinked at the woman before him, he had heard about her temper but it was never turned on him before now.

"You don't just get to quit and walk away; if you would have listened I was trying to tell you that I was crying because I realized I didn't love him like I used to, that my heart was being torn. That I was starting to care for you, which if you gave me time, I would like to find out what could be between us. But no, you go off being all sacrificing, that you're just willing to give me up? What in the Makers balls am I supposed to think Alistair? How would it look?"

"What do you mean how it would look? It would look better if you were to what, keep Howe around as your lover?"

"Nathaniel was never my lover Alistair, you know that."

"Well in truth he may not have had your maidenhead, but he had every other part of you so why is that Elissa? I'm sure it wasn't for lack of trying on his part, I've seen how he looks at you."

"I was told to wait; Nate said if I waited for you and was to bear your children, then you wouldn't care what I did. That you would take a mistress and it wouldn't matter" The last words were almost a yell.

Blinking Alistair couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Cailan was right you were going to, how would that look Elissa? I will not share you with Nathaniel fucking Howe." He was yelling in return now and he grabbed her, pulling her roughly to him.

"I will not share you, not your body not your mind. Of course I don't want to give you up, but I want you with me willingly I don't want you crying after I make love to you, I want you to moan my name the way you did Nathaniel's back at Ostagar I want to eradicate everything in your head that connects you to Nathaniel Howe."

He kissed her then hard, needy and she didn't turn away, his heart leapt as she responded, her hands were in his hair and he had her on the bed in seconds. He ripped her clothes from her body and proceeded to kiss every part of her he could, taking his time caressing her thighs, she squirmed under him and she gasped as burning white light was building behind her eyes as he stroked that small bundle of nerves. She needed, she didn't know what she needed, but she knew he could give it to her.

"Please Alistair, please, I didn't know you loved me, I didn't know you wanted me." Elissa cried his name and arched forward as his mouth covered her, kissed that part of her that was aching.

"Let me show you how much."

He smiled and was above her entering her, there was no pain this time, only a building pressure as they learned each other's rhythm.

"Alistair!" Her screams fed him and he pulled her forward against his chest, extinguishing her cries with his mouth as he exploded within her.

They lay panting for a moment, he had no want for her to roll away from him; pulling her close, he kissed her forehead.

"Alistair." She whispered

"Alistair, I do care for you, I want to try. I can't promise."

He touched her lips to silence the last words. "That's all I ask, is that you try. The fact that you came back to me thrills me, honestly the last time I was this thrilled it had to do with my hair."

She playfully punched him and laid her head on his chest.

Nathaniel paused outside Elissa's door, he had heard she was with him after the joining, that she had left crying, he needed to see her but when he found her it was not his name on her lips in the throes of passion.

Leaning his head against the door he sighed, he had known, but he didn't know it would be this hard to hear her with another.

~~oo00oo~~

The sun was not yet up, when Nathaniel went to the stables to ready his charger and see to the others for their ride out. He had not expected to come upon Elissa, already grooming and checking her steed's hoofs for cracks before their ride to Orzammar.

Not making a sound he stood behind her and wrapped his arms about her waist, he kissed her hair and breathed deeply, she smelled and felt wonderful.

"I didn't think you'd be up yet." Her voice was light and he could tell she was smiling.

Nate laughed at that.

"I'm always up this early my love, you know that."

She froze in his arms.

"Nate, you can't." Ignoring her he bent and moved her hair to the side, kissing down her neck as he always used to.

"You are as beautiful as always, I've missed you."

Elissa found she was tilting into the kiss and pulled back.

"Nate!" she hissed "We can't you know that stop it."

Nathaniel narrowed his eyes. "Don't Elissa, I heard you with him. I knew you would have to be with him in that way, but don't you dare tell me you love him."

"Nate don't do this, I told you we couldn't that we should have stopped years ago."

"Elissa, Duncan said he's splitting us all up to go to the three different treaties, you, Cailan and Alistair, are headed to Orzammar. I won't see you again for who knows how long, you can't tell me you haven't missed me; I can read you better than anyone." He kissed her again, softly running his hands through her hair but she stepped out of it again.

"You don't love him Elissa, this is me Nate, I know you, I love you."

Elissa chewed on her lip but didn't respond.

"Elissa, love don't do this to us."

She held up a hand and shook her head. "I said don't Nate, I don't know. This isn't as easy as you said it would be."

"Tell me you don't love me and I'll quit." He pulled her back against his chest, but she couldn't say the words.

He hugged her close and kissed her neck, her ear, desperately needing to hear that she loved him.

"I can't Nate don't." She backed away and ran back to the keep.

He didn't see her again as Duncan, Fergus and Anders joined him. They were headed first to the mages and then to find the Dalish elves.

Nate kept his eyes locked on the front door, but she never came. She always came to see him off.

Pain ripped through him, but it only built his resolve, she hadn't been able to tell him she didn't love him and he wasn't going to just give up.


	11. Finding Our Way

The sky was perfectly white and held a luminescent glow, as the group wandered through the mountains towards Orzammar, it was quiet and every crunch under their steed's hooves echoed around them.

Swinging down from his mount at the gates to the Dwarven kingdom, Alistair was arguing with the Dwarf posted there. Cailan and Elissa stayed back finding someone up top, to take care of their horses while they were there.

Cailan kept throwing glances Elissa's way, regarding her profile.

"What is it Cailan?" Elissa hefted the shield on her back higher adjusting the straps.

"Nothing really just thinking you know, King stuff."

"Okay, I know I'm going to regret this but, what are you thinking about?"

"Oh well since you asked." A grin spread across his golden features.

"I hate when you get that look, seriously what is it?"

"I hear you and my brother have started to enjoy each other's company more." He smirked as Elissa blushed and rubbed her forehead.

"I'm not sure I want to talk to you about this, Cailan."

"I'm just glad you are coming around, look when did ever lead you wrong?"

She lifted an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Hah! Well let's see, how about the time you decided, we would be able to swim out into the ocean and catch a dolphin? Oh, how about the time you convinced me the cook was an evil witch, and she was fattening us up to cook and eat us? There are more, I could go on you know."

Waving a hand at her, he brushed her words away.

"It's not my fault you're gullible. What I meant though, was I knew you would come around. The infatuation with Howe could only last so long. Alistair has been spouting his love for you, for years. I'm glad you see it now; I did this for both of you. I would be lying if I said I didn't do it partly for me too. I wanted to see Alistair happy; he didn't have the same childhood you and I did. He was always just the bastard you know. He insisted you could make him happy, that no other girl would do for him, even that year that we squired away. No girl could hold a candle to you, he waited for you. I wanted to give him that chance at love, I was never given."

Elissa froze, "I know about the loving me part but he, actually asked you for me? It wasn't you and my father? I found out he waited, I didn't realize why though. Damn, what do you want me to say Cailan? That this makes it all better? That just because I wasn't a pawn for my father and you, in some political game that it's all okay now? It's not okay."

"Wait Elissa, I just thought if you knew."

"No, Cailan you didn't think, did either of you even stop to think once about what I thought? Neither of you asked, I got that when I thought it was political and for a damn reason. But now, he never even put forth the effort of courting me. He just asked you thinking what? That I would just fall down and love him for the fact that he the bloody crowned prince asked for me?"

Cailan was annoyed now, he had been trying to help and she was being the same difficult girl he had always known.

"Listen, he wanted you to love him for who he was, not what he was. Nathaniel had an advantage that you had known him for your entire life and you willingly went to him, you knew nothing else. I figured you would in time give Alistair a chance."

"He didn't even try Cailan, he never told me he loved me, he never tried to show me, in all the time I was with you two did he ever try to make it known."

"Oh didn't he? Everyone else could see it; he did everything short of professing his love in the middle of the town square. I think you had better take a look at yourself, because you're either blind or a bloody fool if you think he didn't show you that he loved you. You saw just what little Elissa wanted to see and all you could see was Nathaniel Howe, and the life you think you should have had. Not what was right in front of you, doing everything he could to show you that he cared for you? Who took care of you when you broke your leg, falling from the tree? Who brought your meals personally to your room, when you had that fever that laid you up for weeks? Not someone trying to win you over by being a damn Prince, who by the way could have what he wanted, and certainly not Nathaniel Howe who I have it on good damn authority, enjoyed visiting brothels when you were away from him."

He knew the last words were cruel and hurtful but he couldn't help it anymore, he was sick of her attitude.

She glared at Cailan and almost stomped her foot, she wanted to shout that he was wrong but she had never expected Nate not be with others, when she herself would have to be, but to have it thrown in her face that way.

"Low blow Cailan."

Cailan's next words were drowned out, by Alistair clearing his throat.

"So I'm having no luck, it's not an easy task when they think you and I should be dead. That was one of those small things I think we overlooked, on this whole save Ferelden trip. Maybe we should have established the fact that we aren't dead first."

Stalking off towards the gate Cailan mumbled, "I'll take care of this."

"Aaaand that's why he's King," Alistair laughed and made to bump his shoulder against Elissa but she side stepped him and walked after Cailan, her head and eyes straight forward mouth pursed.

_What in the Makers name had they been talking about before he walked over, great just great._

"I am here not as a King but as a Warden in need of an army." He produced the treaty and the Dwarf nodded. "But if the King bit helps out, I'm not opposed to using it." He grinned and if it was anyone else besides a surely Dwarf they most likely would have swooned.

"Right well you are permitted for now, but you'll be watched closely. You are supposed to be dead, by all the reports we've received from your ambassadors."

~~ooOoo~~

By the Maker and Andraste's holy blood it was hot down there.

A Dwarf named Oghren found them throughout their travels in the deep roads, as they ran errands for the King to help him with the issue of his son who had been abandoned in the tunnels due to killing his older brother. It had been found that he was in fact not to blame and it was up to them to bring him back.

"I can't believe we're running errands, while the blight pushes forward and we're stuck down here, I'm a King damn it all."

"Not right now you're not Cailan you're a Warden, we need this army and if this is what we need to do to get it, then that's that, so shut up."

The look they shared made Alistair flinch.

As Cailan stomped off, Alistair stared at Elissa.

"What the void was that about?"

"Nothing, don't worry about it."

"That wasn't nothing, Elissa." He touched her shoulder gently.

"Back off Alistair," pulling her arm away, she followed Cailan.

The shock was written on his face, and the Dwarf behind him laughed.

"Your wife huh," It wasn't so much a question as it was a mocking statement.

"Yeah uh, my wife; how'd you know?"

"Yeah, married myself know that look." He burped, and took a drink of some foul smelling liquid from a hip flask.

"Don't worry when ya got her rollin the ol' oats it'll be better. Women come around if you get what I mean."

"I think it's a bit more complicated than that, actually."

"Oh you have trouble, ya know standin the stones?"

"What? No! It has nothing to do with that. Our marriage was arranged and, I honestly I think she goes between disliking me and hating me."

Oghren snorted. "So what you doin just standin there, go give her something to love about you. You know give her," Alistair held up a hand. "Yes, yes I think I got it, thank you."

He caught up with Elissa and nudged her. "What's going on with you?"

"Damn it Alistair, why don't you pester your brother about it."

"What in the void did he say, Elissa?"

"I'm not having this argument in the middle of the blasted deep roads, Alistair."

"What argument?"

"The one about what a fool I am. The one about how everyone but me knew you were in love with me. The one where Nate cheats on me, even though there really wasn't anything to cheat on, you know the one where your Maker damned brother rips apart my entire life."

He was stunned into silence.

"I get it Alistair and I'm trying, but it doesn't help to be shown what an arse I am and then have my face shoved in it and I don't need," he pulled her into his arms and nuzzled her neck, silencing her rant. Despite the heat and their sweat, she still smelled sweet and earthy.

He breathed her name softly next to her ear. "Elissa, I don't care about any of that anymore, this is what's important. The past needs to stay there."

His breath on her neck caused butterflies in her stomach it was a different feeling with him than before, excitement, nervousness. The times they had been together we're awkward or rough and passionate. This feeling was one she had only had with Nate, she knew what the feelings were leading towards and it scared her enough to make her push away.

"I know Alistair, I'm working on it."

He nodded and let her walk away.

~~oOo~~

"Well that was terrible; I never want to be stuck underground like that again."

Alistair laughed at Cailan, "well at least I know something that bothers my wonderfully golden brother."

Cailan shrugged. "There are a lot of things that bother me. You know things like bad wine, angry wives."

He eyed his brother as he trailed off, and saw the narrowing of his eyes. "I'm sorry Alistair I shouldn't have."

"No, you shouldn't have, but it's not like I expected you to stay quiet, that would be like asking a Mabari not to slobber. Though Maker Cailan, you didn't make it easy. Did you have to go and rip her apart like that?"

"Well it kind of came out a little less gently, then I had thought it would but she was being so damned frustrating."

"Yeah, I kind of like that about her though."

"You know, maybe we should have left you in the chantry. Maybe you would have liked being a Templar, you know self punishment and all that nonsense."

Alistair shoved Cailan to the side. "Yeah and you'd be great as a mother."

He watched as Elissa got their mounts and made her way back to them. "We had better hurry up, we've been down there quite awhile and they will be expecting us back at the keep." She eyed Oghren he looked like he was going to be sick.

"Are you sure about this Oghren?"

"By the stone yes, I can't wait to get away from those nug humping, nicker wearing bastards."

"Hey watch the bastard stuff." Alistair grinned and gave Oghren a shove towards Elissa.

~~oOo~~

The keep was quiet when they returned; they were met at the gate by Eamons steward.

"Your Majesty, the landsmeet has been called; Arl Eamon and Lord Teagan have left for Denerim. Word is the horde has pushed past Lothering."

"Have Duncan and the others returned yet?"

"Yes my lady, they left for Denerim just this morning. They say the horde is headed right towards the Capital, Loghain has declared all Wardens traitors and that you are all dead by their hand."

"What in the void does Duncan think he's doing walking right into Denerim then?" Elissa asked shocked.

"Most likely thinking about that whole speech about fighting for Ferelden, you gave me." Alistair smirked and she rolled her eyes, but there was a smile behind it.

Cailan laughed. "Let's go show them how really dead we are Alistair; I can't wait to find out if my darling wife had anything to do with this." His eyes were dark, as he swung down off his mount.

"Right and everyone was telling me, how wonderful marriage would be."

Alistair laughed but cut it off as a choke, when he saw the look Elissa gave him.

"Joking darling, you look nice, have I told you that today?"

Elissa gave him a half smile, he returned it. He loved her; she knew that now, so all he had to do was get past the whole Nathaniel bit, sure, right after the blight he told himself.

His thoughts were interrupted as Cailan called out, "Fresh horses for us all, rest and get something to eat I want to leave before dark. I have an issue to settle with Loghain."


End file.
